How to Forget

why am i crying in the club rn

The night of prom, my mom cannot stop fiddling with my tuxedo and making comments about how handsome her boy is. All I can think about is how out of place I look in a suit, whereas my mother believes I fit perfectly.

Nat saves me from my mother's torturous grasp by ringing the doorbell, which causes her to instantaneously redirect her focus from me to answering the door. The door parts to reveal my stunning boyfriend on the front stoop, wearing a tuxedo and his dazzling smile. I've never seen him in a suit before, and that's a good thing, because I'm struggling to breathe, although my tuxedo may take part of the blame.

My mother moves on from squealing about me to squealing about the both of us. Nat accepts her praise humbly, then leads me out to his car. We're so accustomed to being friends that he doesn't open the passenger door for me like a gentleman would, although I've already decided that he is not a gentleman after his stunt at seven in the morning. We just climb into the car like we usually would.

"Just a heads up, we're probably going to get kicked out," Nat tells me.

Fright explodes in my stomach. "What? Why?"

"Because I won't be able to keep my hands off of you." He snickers to himself, even when he receives a punch on his arm from me.

We arrive at prom, and the people who weren't aware that Nat Kingsley is gay are now made aware thanks to me. He doesn't pay any mind to them, though. He is only concerned with his date until we filter inside and he is occupied with the decorations. "The prom committee did such a good job this year," Nat marvels.

Once we get settled into the rhythm of prom, Nat reopens my mental wounds by requesting that I dance with him because I didn't take his offer the last time. Like before, I refuse and just watch him make a fool out of himself. However, Nat does get me to take part in some of the coordinated dances.

"This year's prom queen is..." The crowd waits in anticipation as the principal opens up the envelope as if he is trying to go easy on his arthritic joints. He clears his throat just to add extra time, it seems. "Tessa Shay!" he finally announces, and applause follows Tessa on her way up to the stage, where she poses and smiles as a queen bee would.

She leans into the microphone to say, "Thank you, everyone!" then return to her poses and waving. She only steps away from the center stage when the principal prepares to announce the prom king.

"And for our prom king..."

I wait attentively to hear if Nat won the spot, while Nat is goofing around with a kid from his math class.

"Nat Kingsley!"

Although I'm smiling from ear to ear at his success, I have to viciously smack him to get his attention, and even then he doesn't catch on until I verbally indicate to him that he won prom king. He's surprised for reasons that prom kings and queens usually aren't, and this is evident as he ascends onto the stage and fumbles with the microphone.

Nat surveys the crowd. "I have absolutely no idea what to say, and that may sound like a classic way to start an acceptance speech, but in reality it's just me showcasing the fact that I didn't listen to my boyfriend when he predicted that I would win."

A portion of the audience looks to me for my reaction, which is me shaking my head and rolling my eyes.

Nat's speech becomes more somber as he starts to express how he really feels. "I'm guessing some of you voted for the old me – the bully. Sorry to disappoint, but I've moved on since then, thank god, although being a bully is what gained me popularity in the first place, and I think that says a lot about the kind of people we are."

Nat seems to have struck a chord with the audience. He has captivated them, offended them, intrigued them.

"Those of us who see that the profits of bullying outweigh the consequences, we become the bullies ourselves. Those of us who would rather not get involved but still want to see the efforts of bullying come to fruition, we become the bystanders. Think about where you fall, if anywhere. There was a mix of these two types of people in my former friend group. It just has to do with how you're motivated."

Being the only member of Nat's old friend group that I can easily find, I glance over at Tessa, who is annoyed that Nat is taking the spotlight, shading her, and calling out the system she benefits from. I smirk.

"I used to not have any love in my heart, and then I ended up loving the boy I almost killed as a result of my emotional deprivation. I have grown so much thanks to him, but it shouldn't take a tragedy to make you reconsider what you're doing with your life, so that's why I'm opening your eyes right here." Nat makes eye contact with numerous people in the crowd so that it seems more personal to them. He's influential that way. "What are you good at? What are you proud of about yourself? Whatever it is, it gets reduced to the bully people see you as. It becomes your entire identity. You lose yourself in it."

Glancing to my left, I see a huddle of girls all in tears, moved by Nat's speech, and in a way, that comforts me. People who used to fear him can now find solace in him. If I had not lost my memory, I would be among them.

"I don't want to be seen as the bully any longer, because I know that I am so much more than that." He removes the crown from his head and returns it to the principal, whose eyes are on the brink of flooding. "Thank you for the crown, but I am not the person you voted for." Nodding to the crowd, Nat descends from the stage, grabs my hand, and leads me out of the building as the space erupts in applause.

"I'm proud of you," I say to him.

He looks at me tenderly, squeezes my fingers within his own. "Me too."

~~~~~

A/N: I really am so mcfucking proud of how Nat has grown

~Dakotatatat