A New Beginning (KarmaXNagisaXAsano)

Chapter 9

Asano's POV

I paced back and forth in front of a park bench, not able to prevent myself from worrying about what would happen when Nagisa showed up for his tutoring session to which I'd been extremely early for, causing me to release my pent up nervous energy by walking in a straight line in front of a park bench before turning on one heel and walking the crack in the pavement back to the other side, repeatedly.

I couldn't help regretting my idiotic actions finding out where he lived and then showing up to his house uninvited, just because I was worrying that I might be waiting for Nagisa for a long time –which would be a waste of time that I could be spending on other important matters– so I'd gone to his house with a simple question and unfortunately left with so much more.

He had looked so ashamed earlier, when I had called to his house. Perhaps he was upset that I'd gone to his house or maybe his embarrassment was because he had been wearing a blue dress. I guess it didn't really matter, either way it was going to make for an extremely awkward tutoring session when he finally showed up, if he bothered to show up at all.

For once in my life I didn't know what to do,no idea of what form of action to take. I mean of course I didn't hold it against him or dislike Nagisa for crossdressing, why would I? His gender had never mattered to me not when I had first met him nor now when I felt like I had finally gained his friendship. What I really hated about all of this was that I was afraid that I was inexperienced with these sort of situations, I didn't want to insult him by accident and I didn't want to come across as inadequate in any way. My father had instilled a competitive streak, a need to win and to always be right about everything deep within me and it was unfortunately too late to change my entire personality at this stage of my life

My pacing was interrupted my the soft crunch of grass. I spun around to come face to face with Nagisa, who was staring at me as though this situation was as uncomfortable for him as it was to me, probably was actually.

"Listen-"

"I'm sorry-"

We both started at the same time before breaking off and eying each other warily. "Why don't you go first" I offered not quite knowing where we stood.

Nagisa took a deep breath and sat down on the bench, he seemed unnaturally pale, even by his standards. "Nobody else knows what I'm about to tell you, but I can't see any other way to explain what happened earlier" He croaked. His head was pointed towards the ground and he seemed to be studying the cracks in the pavement intently while hunched over.

I sat down next to him reaching my hand out but stopped short as I realised that he probably didn't want me touching his back at the moment. "You don't have to explain yourself to me, really" I muttered hoping that he wasn't pressuring or pushing himself into telling me.

Nagisa sat up straight and breathed in sharply as though he was steeling himself.

"When my mother was pregnant, she found out it was a girl, she decorated the baby room up in pink, picked out names and clothes, plans for the future and how she and the baby girl would bond" he began.

I felt an awful  feeling in my stomach, this wasn't just a male classmate who enjoyed wearing dresses, this was something, much, much worse.

"My mother had a miscarriage" he stated simply. "She got pregnant again, this time she was so sure that it was a girl she didn't bother checking" A bitter laugh escaped his lips "She got me instead. She hasn't ever really recovered from losing the baby, and me? I was the last straw she's almost lost it, she treats me like a girl most of the time, some part of her knows it's wrong but it doesn't stop her" he finished and my heart went out to this poor boy who'd been dealt a terrible deal.

His cheeks seemed thinner than this morning and there were dark shadows in his eyes, that just weren't right for such a young child. Nothing about his family life seemed right. I didn't pity him, per se, more sympathised him, I knew what having a bad parent was like but even my experiences really didn't compare with Nagisa's. Nevertheless he seemed more relaxed than earlier and I couldn't help wonder about how long this boy had kept his secret. I fumbled my mind for something right to say.

"Nagisa, I understand, I won't tell anyone, you have my word and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here" I said at last hoping my meagre words would manage to convey their meanings.

Nagisa looked at me and smiled sweetly and it wasn't anything short of a miracle that this boy after all he'd been through still managed to smile like this.

"Thank you, now we'd better start studying, right?" He declared, his delicate fingers wrapping around the strap of his bag –which I hadn't even noticed– and gently taking it off and leaving it on the pavement.

He unzipped his bag and tugged out a black A4 notebook and a yellow ballpoint pen and placed them on his lap.

The yellow pen drew my attention and Koro-sensei came to mind. He was unbelievably fast. What on earth could he be doing that took so long he couldn't make it in time to tutor Nagisa? Or could he not have rearranged it? I knew then that Koro-sensei was more manipulative then he seemed and that he seemed to have something up his sleeve regarding me and Nagisa.