Meant to be [HAYLOR]

20

"Always.." he whispered, and then he fell on my shoulder. He was passed out and I am freaking out. 

The way he behaved with me in the morning was way beyond limits, he scared me, he was about to force himself upon me. I was angry at him, and I am still angry at him for what he said to me and what he did. I decided not to speak with him ever again. 

For a few seconds, he reminded me of Jake that day in that old bar, about to choke me to death.

I shook off those thoughts and looked out of the window. That is when I heard him play guitar.  

It was beautiful, he was composing his own tune and I really liked it. But I didn't go out to watch him play. I just sat where I was and heard the music spread. It was getting louder and better and faster. At one point, it was too much. It did sound wonderful and all but something didn't feel right. I was assumed at that feeling when it just didn't go away. After a few minutes, very reluctantly I stepped to see him. To see why he was playing so vigourosly.  Then I saw him bleed, but he wouldn't tell me why he was doing that to himself. 

I put a blanket on him and got up to get some ice from kitchen. I wrapped the ice cubes in my favourite scarf. I went to him and pushed the cubes into his fist, to cool his nerves down. He winced slightly and then he relaxed. 

"I just wish you weren't a dick sometimes. You'd make a really nice person." I said to him and put my hand on his forehead. For some odd reason, I just wanted to run my hand over his forehead. And I did just that.  I brushed his forehead for a couple of times. 

This doesnt change anything Taylor. He may have been in pain, he might have problems of his own but if you let him in again, he will destroy you.

My brain reminded me and I immediately pulled my hand back to myself. I gave him one last look and I went back inside my room. 

I paced around all day in my room. This cannot go on. Harry scared me enough with his intentions and I'm done trying to put up with his mood swings. Besides, would he even care? I'm just a stupid naive girl in his eyes. He'd be glad if I decided to travel on my own. 

I peeked out of my room, to see how Harry was doing. He was awake and he was struggling to close his fists. 

"Dont do that.." I blurted out involuntarily. 

His eyes shot up to me and he stared at me. I gave myself away, now I really have to go towards him. 

"Hey." He said firmly, looking down at his fingers. 

"I'm sorry...for what happened in the morning...I.I..." He stuttered and I put my hand up to stop him from speaking. 

"I didn't know guys like you stuttered." I said, in a very harsh tone.

"Guys like me? What do you mean?" He asked me. 

"You know..the ones who know nothing other than hurting others." I said in the same tone. I don't know what has gotten into me, I'd never yell at someone in this way but this is happening and I feel weird. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. 

"Taylor, I'm sorry." He said again, and I could see his patience slipping out slowly.  That didn't bother me. He is an arrogant twenty year old who needs to be taught his lesson. No matter how it affects me. 

"What are you sorry for Harry? Sorry for playing with my feelings? Or sorry for always yelling at me?" I asked him. Now I started getting really emotional and angry. Listing out the reasons why he should be sorry made the memories extra fresh and sour in my head. 

"Do you know how nice it felt when I thought we were finally about to become friends? God, I felt like what you always call me. A school girl. I was high up in the air when you started being nice to me." I said, bitting the inside of my cheek to stop the tears from flowing down.

"And then you shatter it. You pull me high up into the sky and then I'm the falling from such a height. I get broken and hurt but what about you? You are perfectly fine Harry." I said with a shaky voice.

"Taylor Stop."He said loudly. 

"NO HARRY! I WONT. YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW I FELT DAMMIT." I yelled, finally losing up all my temper. "I CANT LET YOU USE ME, I'M SORRY. I AM NOT STELLA AND I'M NOTHING TO YOU." I added. 

I regretted what I said as soon as the words left my mouth. Harry's facial expression made me regret it even more. It  killed me. I calmed down and wiped my tears off. 

"You're right Taylor. I am the one using you. You better stay the fuck away from me." He said angrily.

I got up, packed all my stuff into my bag and stormed out of Stella's apartment. I didn't look at Harry once, I just couldn't stand him anymore. As soon  as I walked past the street, the tears rolled down. 

I've known him for two weeks, yet how does he hurt me so much?  It's done now. I am never going to see him again. I will never hear that intimidating voice and I will never see that sly smirk that is ever present on his face. 

It's just going to be me, and my sick and y sick and pathetic heart towards the entire time I run away somewhere. 

Welcome back to loneliness, Taylor Swift. 

I decided to sit down in a bus station until I calmed down from the impact of Harry and I's fight. I don't like what I said to him but I was deeply hurt and I didn't know what else to do. 

I dont know how much of loneliness I can bear, or whether I'll even make it to some place for away from here. 

I don't know anything and there are so many things I want to know. 

But what I need to know is whether I did a right thing by leaving Harry. 

My brain says it is indeed right, but my heart disagrees. It says that I should have given him a chance. 

And the strange thing is, I think I slightly agree to my heart but I'm too egoistic to actually listen to it. 

_______________________________________

Oh no💔

Run back to him, please.....

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Love,
Mallory x