Summer Breeze ♡ Kurt Cobain

twelve

Warning: this chapter could be triggering for people with self harm issues and that jazz

  My good memories before Kurt were minuscule but dusted with the season of spring. Spring after spring I would watch the magnolias bloom. I did not bloom though, I was a late bloomer.

Unlike Dave's girlfriend, Justice Spencer, who bloomed at the ripe age of twelve.

After she got pregnant Lucas and I told no one. We tried to help her, we really did. As far as I was concerned she had become family and I loved Dave too much to hate her. But we sent her to her death.

She had 75 dollars and we had a cheap surgical resident. She insisted that the abortion was preformed by him on the down-low. In our small town if you were seen having an abortion at 15 you'd be shunned from the community.

That friday night Lucas and I hopped her up and dropped her off. Unfortunately only an hour later we'd be busted for a drug heist. We weren't able to pick her up or stay with her.

Her body was found two weeks later.

How could Kurt ever love me when I have harrowing baggage like that! How could he love me when Lucas and I sent Dave's first true love to a death sentence!

I still have dreams about her. Her baby blues and black hair. And how Dave would have loved that baby more than anything.

"Lucas," I spoke nervously. "Maybe we need to tell Dave what happened with Justice."

"No we shouldn't."

"Well why not! I'm sick of lying! I want my brother and I want Kurt back!"

"Well we don't always get what we want! I didn't get what I wanted that summer!"

"Nobody wanted Justice to die that summer Lucas!"

"You don't get it do you. I didn't give a shit about Justice. I wanted you Darlene. And you wanna hear somethin' nuts honey? That wasn't Dave's baby."

"You fucking asshole! Why have sex with her if you wanted me!?"

"I wanted to make you jealous!"

"Oh my god." I murmured putting my head down at the table.

"The best part is I told Dave all about it like four years ago."

I fell silent. Feeling empty yet filled with Justice's presence, angry and screaming to get out.

"You're a liar and a cheater and a fucking dick!" I screamed bounding into the bathroom. I can't believe Lucas would trick me and hurt Dave like that. 

I held this blade in my hand. Who knew a shiny piece of metal could calm me so much. I haven't touched it in two years but I still always have it on me.

It may seem childish or immature to take my pain out in such a way, but I think it's smart, very smart actually. It makes my memories feel like dreams and it makes me feel.... Something at least.

When I was a child both Dave and I wanted to help shape rock n roll. That's what Dave did, and I didn't know I'd be left empty.

Maybe now that I've ruined things between Kurt and I before we started, and maybe now that I've hurt Dave, my life isn't worth living.

\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|/