A Certain Sort Of Loneliness

Kindness

Emil looked up cautiously, pleading that it would be someone safe, someone kind, someone he knew - someone like Lili, who stood before him, beaming happily,

'Calm down," Emil thought to himself, trying to quell the anxiety, "Lili's nice. We like Lili, remember?'

"Hi Lili," he said quietly, forcing a smile on to his face, "It's been a while..How've you been?"

"I've been fine as always," she grinned, "What about you? You stopped coming for a while, were you okay?"

"Oh, uh..." Avoiding Lili's eyes, he trailed off awkwardly, unsure on how to respond - being blunt wasn't an option here, but lying wasn't exactly his most preferred option - "Well I'm alive at least," he laughed weakly, trying to play it off as humourous or casual - but as he met her eyes again he couldn't help but notice the way her cheerful demeanor dropped for a sec, concern lacing her voice even as she resumed a sympathetic smile,

"Anything you wanna talk about?" She asked carefully,

"It's fine," he mumbled uncomfortably, eyes wandering around the room, "I mean- It's just nothing you can help me with," he corrected, noticing Lili's stern look, "Sorry," he added, feeling guilty somehow - she was the only person who ever bothered with him really (not that he could blame the others, Emil was miserable company and he knew it).

"It's no problem," she answered sympathetically, using a motherly tone of voice that Emil couldn't help but relate to Tino back home. "Do you want to eat lunch with me later? You can spend break with me too if you want, there'll probably be some of my friends there - but you don't have to stay long! Just a little while, at least," she trailed off a little, "Please - it would make me happy," she added quickly, sensing his hesitance.

"Ah...Okay," he agreed, still a little unsure but too thankful for Lili's understanding of his anxiety and near embarassing lack of both social skills and friend to invite him to join her. She was too kind, really - to everyone, not just him - and her combination of almost unnerving intuition and empathetic understanding of those around her made Lili a "safe" person to Emil. She was one of the few people he had confided in - and one of the few to stick around - and though he hadn't told her much, she seemed intent on not only being his friend but also looking after him as much as possible.

He felt guilty, shutting her out whilst he hid to get away from school - he hadn't even given her his phone number, it was a miracle she hadn't just forgotten or given up on him. But she hadn't - she'd remembered him, she said she wanted - that she'd like - him around. Not felt that he should come, not wanting him around out of some motherly sense of obligation but because it would make her "happy".

Kindness was such a strange thing after all.