Aftermath

18

Heather

I waited until the paramedics took her away to break down. Everything that ever happened to me, I internalized and put on the brightest smile for the world. No one knew what I went through or what I was going through at the moment.

Before I followed them out of the door, I looked back at the empty pill bottle. It laid there, taunting me. I loathe it with everything in me.

It took my grandbaby.

No I can't talk like that, she's going to pull through. She has to.

Straightening up, I fixed my hair and wiped my eyes once I was inside the ambulance.

"Ma'am are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I said surprised that I managed to keep my voice level.

"How long was she like this?"

"I.. I don't know, I was setting up in the living room because we were suppose to have a girls night."

"Did the patient suffer from depression?" The doctor interrupts, trying to get to the root of the problem.

I looked at her like she was speaking another language. I know it's her job to ask these questions but interrupting me was just plain rude.

"Her name is Meadow! She didn't suffer from depression, that shit is bullshit y'all say to diagnose people to make money off of them. My grandbaby was perfectly fine, she just went through some stuff." My lips quivered as I avoided her gaze.

"Ma'am I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just doing my job."

"I know I'm sorry."

"I see this everyday, there's no need to apologize, but we are going to try our very best to keep her alive."

"I can't believe I missed the signs." I was rocking back and forth as I hugged myself, trying to make the pain go away.

"Most people miss the signs ma'am, at this point the only thing you can do is have faith.

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"Faith." I whispered.

*

Looking at meadow made my chest tight. I couldn't believe that this was happening.

"Momma." I heard Hazel whispered snapping me out of my trance.

"Hazel." I said coldly not looking her way.

"Momma you're not the only one hurting!"

"You were dead for sixteen years, sixteen longgg years hazel." I said exaggerating the word long to get my point across.

"You don't understand Amir-"

"Take responsibility for your actions Hazel, be an adult for once." I said exhaustion creeping into my voice.

"Did you take responsibility for killing daddy." She said more as a statement than a question.

"Your father killed hisself when he decided to be on Rodney's side, just like how you're slowly killing your self right now."

"Rodney is a change man, he loves me and Meadow."

I chuckled slightly.

"You think that man loves you? he don't even love his kids Hazel."

"You're wrong and I'm going to prove it." She said as she briskly walked away.

"If you decide to die again, can you pay for your own funeral?"