Michael Jackson Imagines and Short Stories

I Remember

I Remember: 1

I remember sometimes he used to come into my room at night. I would usually hear him come in, but I would act like I was still asleep. Once, he came in and sat down next to my bed the way he usually did, and he was quiet. Almost too quiet. Something told me to look and I just barely opened one eye. There he was, just sitting there with his hands in his lap, his face to the floor, with silent tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping off of his chin. He started to lift his gaze, so I closed my eye. He began,

"I am so sorry," he choked on the words as they came out in an exasperated whisper. He touched my head, and began to gently stroke my hair.

"I've missed so much of you. I've missed your first steps; your first words. I've missed your first day of school; your homework assignments; your good and bad grades; your first loose tooth, and all of the loose ones after. I wasn't there to experience the hole I would have had in my chest when you went away from home first time; I never had the pleasure of watching you at meals, trying to force you to eat vegetables. Talking to you... about big things in your life, or the everyday little things; I've missed looking in your little face daily; your little bouts of anger that your mother tells me about..." He paused. I couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying, but I'm pretty sure it was both. But then he fell silent again.

"I've just missed you...all of you. I didn't experience you and it's all my fault and I am so sorry. If I could just turn back time... We thought that this would be best, but I can't even imagine how you feel — seeing your brothers and sister happily running around here enjoying all of their privileges that they have had since birth. I can't imagine how terrible it must feel. To know that you were excluded from this, from your family, from Neverland. How bad it must be to find out that y-you... " his tears began to cloud his voice and he trailed off...a few seconds went by before he picked back up,

"That your dad you thought was yours, isn't your dad. That you've been grotesquely — heinously lied to for 13 years. 13 years...oh God help me... You might feel like I abandoned you, but I saw you every day. In my heart I was by your side, and you were by mine. Not a second passed that you were not in my thoughts. Every video tape, every voice recording, every phone call that I kept silent on. I keep it with me. I kept your pictures with me, wherever I went. I remember that first day I laid my eyes on you. You were so beautiful. Gosh, you were gorgeous, and I fell in love. Your mother let me hold you, and I never set you down...my baby. My precious child. I rocked you in my arms, and kissed all over you. I fed you; I talked to you and played with you. But then it was time for the hard part. We discussed what would be done. Your mother didn't want you in the spotlight, and I agreed, but I still wanted to see you. We went back and forth, but we couldn't find a solution. There just would have been so much trouble. Prince was already only a month away, and I was married by that point, and bringing a child from outside of my marriage would have sent the media wild, and we did not want that. You would have never been left alone." He sighed, leaned in and kissed my cheek, continued stroking my hair, and then picked up again,

"There was no other way that we saw but to just keep you away...and safe. Prince and Paris and Blanket were already destined, but you... you could be saved from it — all of this...mess- and that's all we wanted...was for you to have a normal life. Obviously that was not in your plan-" he chuckled to himself,

"You are brilliant, you know that? I don't think I have told you, but when you get up tomorrow, I plan to. You are so great, but you don't even see it yet. I can tell. I'm taking you somewhere cool tomorrow, well at least me — your old dad-thinks it's cool. Just you and me, the way it never was...just you and me." He stopped. Walked towards the door and gently called,

"I love you." And he left.