My Feelings Of Poetry

Unable

I am unable to be strong.

Unable to face my fears.

Unable to stop thinking about the conciquences.

Unable to serve.

Unable to stay awake.

I need to become capable.

I can't.

So much self-doubt.

I can't stop.

I wasn't born that way.

I wasn't born an optimist.

I was born pessimist.

I encourage people.

But not myself.

Sort of like the Abnegation.

I don't know anymore.

More disaster struck.

So lost.

I need guidance.

But I can't,.

I will get made fun of.

I don't want that.

People.

People I can't stand.

Tease me.

I can't tell anyone.

I will get in trouble if I taddle-tale.

So, I take care of the problem myself.

People don't care.

When I need someone, they're never there.

That's why I'm independent.

I don't let anyone get to me.

I'm strong.

I think.

I don't know how many times I've said that.

So many I don'ts.

I'm sick of it.

But I can't change.

You need help to change.

And I don't have help.

None.

Not even my parents.

They have too much to worry about.

Not even my brother who I haven't properly seen or talked to in Months.

I hate to say it,

But I miss him.

His smell.

His humor.

His funny stores.

His jokes.

Him making fun of me, and I make good come backs.

Me roasting him.

Our play-wrestling.

Us hanging out together.

Us talking about the teachers at my school, the school he used to go to.

He graduated.

Found a small life.

Moved away.

Hasn't seen his kids.

He cares.

Deep down.

He cares.

I care.

I haven't seen them yet.

Its been a year and a half since they've been born.

I guess this is recession.

Or, atleast,

Its coming.

I want to see him.

But he doesn't care.

He did once.

But he knows I can take care of myself.

He wants to see me.

But he's too 'busy'.

He drives past our house every week.

Almost everyday.

Yet, he never stops by to say hi.

We were so close.

But not anymore.

If I get in trouble, he will be proud.

That's what I want.

Him to be proud.

Of me.

Of me.

Of me.

Not someone else.