Stay

Chapter Twenty-Nine.

Authors note/ mini story.

Before this chapter begins I just wanted to write a personal rant/ story about my own mental health. I find that I update chapters to Stay when I've been anxious or been in an anxious situation. Today is an example of this. So, I was meant to go into the college campus this morning but I woke up feeling really worked up and anxious about it. I forced myself to walk to the bus stop even though my throat was closing over and I felt like I was going to throw up. Buses don't help my anxiety and I've only recently been able to get on them, so it was already a challenge. I had to be at the campus at 9am and catch the bus at 8:35am however the bus never turned up :/. At this point I was ready to go home but instead headed to another bus stop. Luckily this one was meant to turn up in 5mins which meant I'd only be a little bit late. However the bus driver drove straight passed the bus stop! Seeing that the next one was in an hour I broke down into tears in public and ran home. Does anyone else get like this? When they get so stressed they just break down? Cause I do an awful lot! But I guess the moral of the story is to keep trying. I didn't go home after the first bus didn't turn up. I looked for the next one and I'm hoping to go in later, once again attempting to tackle my bus fear. The same goes for you, if you've had a similar situation my challenge to you is to try again and to keep trying until one day you do it. Persistence is key and you'll feel prouder for it.

Mini rant/ story over - thanks, Meg xox 

The apartment is smaller then I'd of thought, especially for the schools most popular girl. 

The kitchen is no more then a few old units, a cooker and a fridge. A small sofa with a coffee table sits a few meters away from it. On top of the table I notice a reasonably new laptop with the charger plugged into the wall. No book shelves, no TV, nothing. 

This must be why she's always staying at other peoples houses.

Following Jessie into Layla's bedroom, I see he has already pulled the mini paint pots out of his jacket. He holds a hand out to me, a smirk on his face.

This feels so very wrong.

"Paint brush." he orders and I take the brushed out of my pockets. Jessie takes the brush, her eyes darting all over the place as he surveys the wall, "Now, where should we begin?"  

Taking one of the brushes, I coat it in thick red paint. The colours were selected by Jessie. Red was the main colour as it symbolizes pain and the pain she has caused me over the past few years; the second colour is a shimmering gold to symbolize strength. The strength I have gained because of Jessie over the past few weeks. 

I sweep the brush over the plain wall in the shape of a N. The worried voice inside my head gradually getting quieter as I begin to enjoy the creativity and empowerment that comes with painting. 

Jessie Takes the gold and works on the other side of the wall. 

I wonder if we will go to jail or this? After all we have broken in even if we have no intentions to steal anything. I can't go to jail, can I? It would definitely give the family something to talk about that isn't Shay for once. But I'm not a bad person... am I?

No, this is nothing compared to what she has done to me all these years, the name 'Tripper' quickly spreading around the school like cold and flu in December. I'd get strangers laugh at me, people muttering under their breaths causing the subconscious voice inside my own head to turn against me. I turned against myself until I had nothing left but a dusty old closet and book after book of lives I would rather live then my own. 

Jessie and I step back after a little while, admiring our work. Painted on the wall are the words "No More." In an ombre of Red and gold. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm proud of myself for finally doing something.

Before we leave, we both decide to do a little snooping to see if we can find anything worth gossiping about in school the next day or even the stolen watch of mine that Layla hid last year. The watch was my grandmothers and before she died she gave it to me for save keeping. But everything I care about gets taken away and surly enough, Layla had one of her many followers steal the gold embroiled watched and I haven't seen it since. 

Sadly nothing showed up. 

Letting out a sigh, I'm about to leave when I notice a picture sat on the side of her drawers. I look at it closely, before quickly wishing I hadn't noticed it at all. 

My stomach sinks as the photo grows hands of its own, punching into my chest and pulls out my heart. I can only stand and watch, gawping as it picks my bloodied heart apart and drops the broken pieces on the floor.

Dropping the picture, I run to the bathroom and hurl my guts up until nothing is left. 

"Maddie! Oh my god, what happened? What's wrong?" Jessie asks rushing into the bathroom, holding my hair back as I vomit some more. He passes me a tissue before leaving the room, moments later he returns with a glass of cold water. I take a few sips before standing up. 

"We need to leave." 

"What happ-"

"Now!" I shout, storming out of the apartment.