This is war (Theo James)

03 ~ The cold hard truth

Songs for this chapter:

She - Ed Sheeran

Light me up - Birdy

Run - P!nk

Thank you so much for reading! sorry if my updates are slow, but i'm writing only because it's a hobby and an escape from everything really, so i don't have a schedule or something. Please respec this. 

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Everything was a blur, I hadn’t slept well in weeks, months maybe and I had to force myself to stay focussed. The conversations I was having, I couldn’t remember the minute after, the questions people were asking me, I couldn’t remember either. My head was so full of everything, of all the rules we had to keep, that I couldn’t seem to live anymore. I was only staying alive and being an actual human, because I wanted to explore more, get to know Theo and his world more. He was a big reason I was still waking up, doing the exact same routine every day, and falling asleep eventually with thoughts in my head that shouldn’t even be in a seventeen years old head.

The biggest problem was sleeping, I wanted to sleep so badly. But I also found it a waste. I had stayed up so many nights, thinking about this cruel world and how it came to this, I stayed up running away and into the woods, talking to Theo. I had stayed up, avoiding the dreams and avoiding waking up in the morning with a headache and another day ahead with meaningless conversations and things to do I didn’t even want to think about doing.

Most of the times I stayed in bed till really late in the morning, having my mum or dad calling me to come out already. But even then, I stayed. I stayed until I really had to go out, because I was hungry or my younger sister started crying which I really couldn’t handle. She had this sad cry, you just had to comfort her. There was no way out.

But this day was different, I had stayed at Theo’s cottage, which he shared with his two best friends Ansel and Shailene. I kind of felt bad for Shai, because she had to share a house with two men who were rather messy. But she said she didn’t mind, so I didn’t either.

It was late at night and most of the late nights I spent with the three friends, we talked, sat around the fire and listened to the calming sounds the wood brought with it. But as I said, this day was different. I had been here all day, no hiding after nine for someone who was going to catch me and set me behind bars, I didn’t need to hide from anyone because I was safe.

And we didn’t talk, that was something odd too about this day, we just sat there. Everything we wanted to say was said and everything we didn’t want to say, was kept to ourselves. We were sitting, peacefully, watching each other move, catching each other’s eye. It was quiet, not uncomfortable, we were just sitting in silence.

Although I knew I was safe, I was scared. Scared because I was breaking the rule that no one could keep me from, it were my feelings. I couldn’t control it, like I had controlled every rule I broke in the past years. It were my feelings, only mine. Something nobody could take away from me, nobody could change it. And I was scared, because I started to care for someone and I had never cared like that for someone before. It scared me. It made me vulnerable, like the others.

But what scared me the most was, what if he didn’t care for me like I cared for him?

That same boy brought me back to reality from my thoughts as he whispered in my ear, “Are you okay?” Theo asked, his hot breath tickling my ear.

“Yeah, I’m fine just thinking” I said and gave him a weak smile, it wasn’t convincing but he knew I tried my best and he appreciated it. He smiled back at me and took my small, cold hand in his warm one. It was comforting, having someone to take your hand when he or she knows you needed to. No one had done that before, taking my hand in public. Even though we were protected by the trees and wild animals that seemed to allow us living in their home. “Maybe I should go home, I don’t want to take over your bed again, I must be a burden” I said and nervously laughed. I didn’t want to go home at all, I was just being polite.