This is war (Theo James)

11 ~ Ready? Definitely not.

“are you feeling better?” we only have five more days to go, before we’re going to run away.

Theo was standing in de doorstep, his hands in his pockets and I was cleaning the room up a bit.

“yeah, I do, thank you. For everything, I mean it” I sighed. I was nervous, about everything that was going to happen. What if I would get sick on the road? We wouldn’t have any medicine and I wouldn’t get better as soon as I did now.

“you are nervous. I can tell” Theo said and he knew what was coming, we had talked about this many times before. “don’t do that. We will have a better life, we will have many friends and a place for us to stay, everything will be a hundred times better than here”

But I feel guilty for leaving, is what I wanted to say, but I didn’t. I felt guilty because I was going to leave the place where I grew up, where I saw my sister growing up and die… and I felt guilty for leaving her, she always looked up to me. and sometimes I was the only one she had, the only one who understood her, she always wanted to feel and show people what she felt. But no one accepted her, but I did. And now I’m leaving, and she is staying here.

I made myself a promise, whenever this war was over, I would come back for her. I would take her soul with me and we would travel together. She would be safe and with me.

Sometimes she was the most annoying, hyper kid there was in this world, but I would still love her to death. I was her world.

“come here” a tear had slipped and was rolling down my cheek. Theo took me in his arms and rested his hand on my shoulder. “when I first met you, I thought you were crazy. Breaking the rules, asking all these questions. But then I realized that was me. I’m nervous too, and I’m scared too. But I won’t if you’re by my side, I love you and that is all that matters and that is all that takes to break every rule there’s made”

“it’s not just that I’m scared, I feel like I’m betraying them, my parents I mean. I’m running away from my problems, I feel weak”

“no one can survive in a world like this, everyone would run if they got the chance. You’re choosing for yourself for once, that’s a good thing. This isn’t called running, it’s called choosing for a good life, a healthy life”

I knew he was right, I was just too selfish to admit it. I needed to choose for myself for once, something rare to me.

“promise me”

“promise you what?” Theo looked down at me, unknown.

“promise me, that when we’re in Europe, you’ll take care of me. That we’ll get  job, maybe have a home for us or something and that’ll live without war?”

“I promise”

Five days later and my fear hadn’t gone away, it had only gotten worse.

“have we got everything?” Shai asked, I think for the tenth time.

“yes, we got everything. We can’t bring too much, though, we got to carry it all on our backs” Ansel said, also the tenth time he said that.

Theo and I were standing in the back of the room, watching the two of them go through all the stuff, again.

“I think we have everything” he said to me, trying to loosen me up.

“yeah me too.” I wanted to tell him so badly that I was scared for this trip, but excited for Europe. But I was scared that he thought that I only wanted the attention of that I was trying to complain on purpose.

“he, come here” Theo took my hands and wrapped my arms around his torso. He then took my face between his hands, and kissed my forehead. He then moved to my nose and then kissed my lips. His lips were soft and full. My arms moved to his neck and I stood on my tiptoes when my hands disappeared in his hair. His hand were placed on my waist and he pulled into his body, moving his hands up and down my back, sliding down once. It gave me an unknown feeling, being touched like that.

“so, when you guys are done having sex in the kitchen, give us a sign, okay?

 (A/N SORRY TO RUIN THE MOMENT BUT WRITING THAT okay MADE ME THINK OF TFIOS I’M OBSESSED, thanks. Go on reading)

“oh my god” my face grew red instantly. I covered it with my hands, but Theo pulled me to him engulfing me in a hug.

“guys, don’t embarrass her! And we’re done” He said to Ansel and Shailene who were both looking at us like we were some romantic movie. “we’ll finish this later” he whispered to me in my ear, his breath tickling my ear.

If there is going to be next time this month. I wanted there to be a next time, really soon.

It was three in the morning, we were standing outside, reading to begin on our trip. Our trip, more like adventure. We were definitely going to find out who we really are, what we didn’t know and what we already knew but not wanted to accept. We were going to find out what we wanted from each other, learning how to trust, how to be together and how to be alone. It was going to be fun but also a challenge.

“ready?” Theo said as he took my hand.

“definitely not, but so ready at the same time”