Hollow

Chapter 40

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I ran until I couldn't feel my legs. The adrenaline pumped through my veins and kept me going. My lungs heaved inside of my chest, but I still ran. What I was running from, I had no idea. Myself?

I didn't even know who I was anymore. The person that I wanted to be, who my family wanted me to be, wasn't real. That girl died the second I was taken by the agency. I'd been trying so hard to be that girl, to force her to come back, but it wasn't working. I'd definitely proven that now.

I'd gone too far. Physical pain. I'd hurt that boy, and even though he had attacked me first, I couldn't deny the horrible regret stirring in my chest. How could I face my family now? Now that I'd proven that the little girl the loved and missed was truly gone.

To top it all off, those stupid eyes were still watching me. The invisible predator following my every step, tormenting my mind until I felt the need to scream. I didn't even bother looking anymore because I knew there would be no one there to find. This was me- my own mind creating threats that weren't there and it was driving me crazy.

I wanted to rip my hair out. I was losing every ounce of sanity that I'd been holding onto, and now I was even hurting people. I wasn't a victim anymore, I had made sure of that. Another flash of guilt shot through me and I squeezed my eyes shut.

I took in an unsteady breath and kept moving. My feet hit the sidewalk as I slowed to a walk and tugged my jacket more tightly around me. The sky was filled with sunlight; the day was unusually warm for Autumn. The air was calm, not even a slight breeze to bring a chill.

The sound of leaves crunching behind me made me freeze. I spun around, my eyes searching frantically for the source of the noise. My shoulders sagged when I noticed a bird a few yards from me, jumping from one leaf pile to another.

The sound of slow footsteps in the distance pushed away the last bit of peace I had in my mind. I glanced around, my eyes roaming the empty street. My skin crawled when I found no sign of life in sight. I couldn't see anything- there was nothing to see.

I groaned, rubbing my forehead as a headache started behind my eyes.

"Why is this happening to me?" Frustrated tears filled my eyes and I gripped the sides of my head. I willed the hallucinations to stop and for my mind to finally have some sort of peace- anything was better than this.

I kept walking. I didn't pay attention to where I was going and I didn't care. I could get lost and never be found again and the world would be a better place for it. I should have died that day that Dominus was killed. Better yet, I should have died twelve years ago before the conditioning and the training. Before they'd taught me how to hold a knife and fire a gun, and break another person's neck in hand-to-hand combat.

No child should ever know how to do any of that. I wished I had died that day. The day that they finally purged away my memories. Sinking me into ice-cold water, pushing me to my limit, I almost did. Black spots filled my vision, my chest had tightened painfully, begging for oxygen. Even though the water was freezing, I felt warm inside. Then the pressure in my lungs wasn't there anymore and I was no longer afraid. I couldn't remember my own name after that, let alone the many names of my family.

I remember clearly now how close I had been to dying. Seconds away. And I was ready for it. I wished they'd let it happen.

Instead, they'd brought me out and resuscitated me. Trained me to fight, to kill. Now I was a sad, broken excuse of who I used to be. I'd never change, no matter how much I hoped for it. That life would never leave me behind. My tormented mind would always be too weak to fight my instincts.