MIXED SIGNALS

Chapter 18 - Pain

Friends, here's the much-anticipated update, the whole backstory to explain why Alden has been pretending to be gay. I think by now it has been established that he was merely pretending to be gay, to avoid getting involved with women. And the story of his pain and how he had to wrestle with the guilt of his wrongdoing for so many years is detailed below in this chapter. 

Exactly how long a time is it ever enough to get over a mistake or misjudgement? Do you dwell on it over and over and beat yourself up with guilt? No matter how people try to lift us up, at the end of the day, our upliftment comes from within. No one, not a new relationship, a friend or even forgiveness from God can make you feel better if you yourself cannot move on from your mistake.

In this chapter, Alden shares his secret back story and while he does, Maine is reminded of her own pain, her own back story. You will get a glimpse of that too. And you will see that focusing on someone else instead of your own pain can make you happier. 

I hope I did justice to this much-awaited back story. It was difficult to write, I cried until I was already in church this morning thinking about it. As a side story, I found it funny how so many assumed this had shades of Christian Grey, no pun intended. Alden's story is far from that.

Your thoughts my dears. Would love to hear from you after reading :) 

In the summer of 2009,  a party was in full swing, and everyone was having a great time. The drinks were served non-stop, and unknown to the happy crowd, two people slipped away from the party and entered one of the rooms in the Faulkerson's ancestral home in Laguna.

Both were intoxicated, and had become a little careless about their well-kept secret; a May-December affair that had been going on for a year. He was just nineteen, barely started college but was in love with his mother's younger best friend, Janine, then 35, sixteen years older than he was.

She was single, a fitness buff who befriended his mom Charie at the gym, encouraging Charie to stick to her fitness routine as a means of keeping her straying husband interested in her. Alden accompanied his mom on her gym workouts, wanting to make sure she was ok and free from alcohol. He did not want his mom to do something embarrassing in public, so he tried his best to be with her whenever he could, and that included working out in the gym with her. He was tired of his parents' fighting over his father's relationships with younger women, and he and his siblings have been fending for themselves for months.

The young women who had affairs with his dad made him averse to girls his age. He disliked mingling with them and found them insipid, they lacked maturity and were boring to talk to. Then he met Janine, couldn't believe she was already in her thirties. Janine had the buff body of a 20-year old, she was so confident, womanly, and treated him like an adult. She was a commercial model, a teacher in an exclusive girls' school.

She was sweet to his mom, and he liked that she encouraged his mom to workout, to pursue her own interests. It was a revelation that they liked the same things, she was also into mountaineering, loved to dance, and had her share of bad luck with relationships. He fell for her, started going to the gym even when his mom couldn't make it, and it gave them time to get to know each other better.

An after-workout dinner led to more times together outside the gym until one night, she made her move and kissed him to thank him for driving her home. It was like falling into an abyss, an addiction for something that was forbidden as it was sweet. Alden saw himself as her protector, the guy who would erase her sadness from all her failed relationships, while she saw herself as his sanctuary from the pain of seeing his family fall apart. They became kindred spirits, and from friendship, that simple kiss led to a full-blown relationship that they kept secret.