Arms||Cake AU||

Chapter 35

Calum was miserable. Everyone could see it despite his attempts to hide it. The circles under his eyes were darker than usual and his forehead was permanently wrinkled with frown lines. He shut himself in his room for two days after coming home from the cemetery, only coming out for necessities. Joy and Dave tried to coax him out of his room with his favourite Spaghetti Bolognese but it was no good. No one could get through to him to make sure he was okay.

His misery spread throughout the house, casting a dark cloud over both of his parents. All they wanted was for their son to be happy, but after four years of trying Calum was only heading further downhill.

Quiet music drifted through the house from Calum's bedroom. He was lying back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with a frown on his face. He couldn't face anyone, not after what he had done. Jake's unconscious body filled his mind, slowly changing into Carmen and then Luke.

Luke. Calum's heart pounded just thinking of him. There was nothing he wanted more than to be wrapped up in his arms again. He craved the feeling of home, but he couldn't risk hurting him, not after he'd been hurt so many times before.

There was a soft knock on Calum's bedroom door, and his father's voice called through to him.

"I really don't want bolognese Dad," he said monotonously.

"Luke is downstairs. Do you want to speak to him?"

Calum's heart skipped a beat. He hadn't spoken to Luke since he left the principal's office two days earlier. He definitely did want to speak to Luke, but at the same time he didn't think he could look at him without being swallowed by a bubble of shame.

"Yes," Calum replied weakly when his Dad repeated the question. He sat up in his bed and ran his hand through his hair so he at least looked slightly presentable. He listened to Luke's footsteps coming up the stairs, panic rising in his chest as they got closer to his door.

When Luke's head appeared from behind the door and the two made eye contact, all of the panic disappeared momentarily. The oceans in Luke's eyes calmed him, until a tidal wave of shame hit him and forced him to look away.

"Hey," Luke said softly, standing awkwardly in the doorway. Calum mumbled a reply to his knees as his cheeks began to burn. "How are you Cal?"

Calum's heart rate and burning shame increased at his nickname. How could Luke still call him that after what he did? He swallowed nervously and took a deep breath in an attempt to regain control of himself.

"I'm alright thanks," he lied, continuing to stare at his knees.

"No you're not," Luke told him simply, sitting down next to him on the bed. "You're a mess Cal."

"Thanks."

"I'm sorry but it's obvious you're not okay. You've not spoken to me or Michael all weekend, your parents say you haven't left your room at all, and your hair looks like a kookaburra has been living in it for a week," Luke said sternly, raising his eyebrows at Calum. "No offence."

"Offence taken," Calum muttered. "I'm sorry but it's really none of your business Blondie."

"Really? I thought we were friends Calum. Friends look out for each other when they need help."

"I don't need you to look out for me Luke, you need to look out for yourself," Calum began angrily, but there were tears forming in his eyes. "You heard about what I did to Jake, that could be you next. Surely after years of being beaten up you know when to avoid somebody dangerous."

"You are not dangerous Calum Hood," Luke replied sharply.

"Yes I am," Calum argued, glaring teary eyed at the blond. "I almost killed Jake for fuck's sake."

"Calum, you said it yourself, you lost control. You didn't mean to hurt him," Luke reasoned.

"THAT MAKES IT WORSE!" Calum yelled, jumping to his feet. He stood, staring at Luke, chest heaving as he fought back tears. Luke stared back at him with narrowed eyes, seemingly surveying him. Suddenly, and without a word, Luke stood up and approached the older teen. Calum watched him with wide eyes, frozen to the spot out of fear he'd fucked up yet again.

Luke's arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer than he'd ever dreamed of being. He could hear Luke's heart pounding as violently as his was in his chest, drumming against his ribcage. He could no longer hold back his tears and he let them fall as he hugged Luke back as tightly as he could.

"E-every time I think of Jake, I-I see you o-or Carmen and I d-don't want you to end u-up like them..."

"I understand Cal," Luke whispered soothingly, resting his cheek on Calum's head. "But there are better ways of dealing with this than shutting everyone out."

"I can't- I can see the disappointment on everyone's faces, they know what I did. They know I'm dangerous," Calum mumbled. "I'm just so - scared. I'm scared I'll lose you, and Michael, and my parents, and Mali like I lost Carmen. I don't want any of you to get hurt because if you do, I know it'll be my fault and I-I can't live with any more guilt."

Calum buried his head into Luke's shoulder, sobbing gently. He couldn't remember ever admitting how terrified he genuinely was out loud before, not even to Michael.

"Please don't let me push you away again Luke," he added, looking up at him with wide eyes. Luke almost started crying himself at the innocent desperation in Calum's usually clouded eyes. "Promise me."

Luke swallowed nervously.

"I promise." He could not speak louder than a whisper. He rested his cheek on Calum's head again, tightening his grip in an attempt to convey everything he couldn't say in that moment. He felt Calum's arms tightened in return.

Calum understood completely.

I just want to say that the support on this book has been insane. I can't thank you guys enough ☺️ 7k is ridiculous omg