Self hate

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Scott Mccall wasn't the Alpha everyone thought. He wasn't selfless, he wasn't kind, he wasn't a hero. Instead he was so selfish, he never really thought about others and he could've been a better hero. Scott was a horrible person.

Or so he thought.

Stiles believed something completely different. He thought Scott was brave, sweet, and wonderful. Stiles didn't know if Scott could get any better. In his eyes Scott was something truly amazing.

It wasn't just Stiles, it was the entire pack. Every single one look up to the tan boy and wished to be like him. Unfortunately Scott couldn't see that.

Scott always went home and cried about things he could do better. He'd cry his eyes out when no one was home and wish for death. The teen was drowning in self hate.

Of course Stiles knew. He knew everything about the boy he was so deeply in love with, but the other just couldn't see. Stiles often asked to hang out because he knew Scott wouldn't leave his room otherwise.

Stiles: We're hanging out today.

Scott: I don't know, I'm busy.

Stiles: Liar, and I didn't give you an option.

Scott: Stiles, I'm not feeling good.

Stiles: story keeps changing, man.

After that Scott didn't answer. Stiles packed his stuff, ready to spend the night at Scott's house. He knew it would be a day where Scott really needed him. He was fully prepared.

Stiles was always prepared. Sometimes he'd even give Scott compliments that way he'd feel better even for a moment.  The compliments were genuine as Stiles liked saying them because they were true.

Sometimes they even made Scott blush.

Scott was in love with Stiles as everyone could tell.  But he feared he wasn't good enough for the other gay.  It was one of the reasons he always cried but the one he never told Stiles.  Stiles would hold him as long as it took to calm him down.

Stiles grabbed his stuff and headed to his Jeep, not bothering to tell his dad.  Noah would be at the police station all night and would not have time for his son.  It wasn't like Stiles minded, though.

When he stared up the blue vehicle he took off down the street, hardly caring about how fast he went.  It was almost sunset so no doubt police wouldn't be put to catch him.  Stiles could handle a tixet anyway.

Scott always knew he wouldn't have time to harm his self and clean up before his best friend got there.  He tried once and afterwards he wouldn't allow the scars to heal fully because he felt so drained. The boy always felt that he deserves all the cuts and bruises on his body.

This time he wanted to try again that way he'd be semi human before Stiles arrived.  Hurting always made him feel a little less sad.  Although in reality he was just numb with no tears left to cry.  Scott couldn't see that.

He ran to his bathroom, tears falling freely.  With every step he wanted more and more to just end it.  He didn't want to see Stiles' beautiful face sad when he saw what Scott had done.  Scott didn't want to hang out with the boy he loves and force himself to be fake.

He just couldn't do it.

Hating others is bad.  Hating yourself is worse.  Scott hated himself for hating himself.  It was a cycle he could never get out of unless he was with Stiles.  The pale boy always brought out the best in Scott.

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