Somewhere Behind

Natalya Part II

The beach was calm and still at night, no seagulls, crowds and most of all no awful noises.

That awful night still haunted me like a ghost. Chris had broken down sobbing in front of the emergency room entrance. After he had calmed down, we rushed into the emergency room.

The sight of so many people in the waiting room depressed us all. There was a line in front of the reception desk like you might find in a post office or a bank.

There were people who looked as if they were in pain and people who just looked miserable. The sight of them made me feel sorry for them and also for myself since I was in the same situation as them.

Angelica caught sight of a paramedic walking toward the entrance. She veered quickly to the right and stopped him. She continued to ask him something quietly, the paramedic looked at the desk and line then nodded and said, "Come with me."

We followed him through the doors and into the hallway. A patient was on a gurney in the hallway the right side of his face bandaged so that it covered the eye. He had his head turned away from us.

A nurse came out of one of the examination rooms and hurried to the nurses' station, and then a doctor appeared on our right, and the paramedic approached him.

"Dr. Warren these are the family of the man we brought in twenty minutes ago, Mr. John."

The doctor looked at us and nodded at the paramedic. "Please step in here," he said indicating at an empty examination room.

I don't know how I walked or even stood straight. My body felt strangely detached, floating. Chris, now more firm and steady, stepped in quickly, Angelica and my mom beside him.

"You are?"

"I'm Christopher Peterson, and this is my cousin sister, Natalya and my Aunt Clara," he said nodding at me. "And this is a close friend of mine," he said indicating Angelica.

"Your uncle has unfortunately suffered a lethal gunshot to the chest, we identified the bullet to be one that was shot from a .45 pistol. The bullet struck him in the chest penetrating through shirt and skin to shatter the breastbone into countless sharp fragments which spread out into his heart, lungs and the great vessels. Our paramedics did everything they could but too much air had been sucked into the lungs from the wound and I'm afraid they collapsed from lack of pressure,' he said with as much emotion as someone saying one of the lights in the hallway had blown out. Because of that, none of us really reacted.

"I'm sorry," he said finally, showing some human emotion, if only in an automated form. "We did all we could, but he expired in the ambulance."

I knew what was coming but still hearing the words coming from his lips left me shocked and light headed. "Are you saying he's dead?" I asked my voice high pitched and cracking on every syllable.

"Yes, I am. I'm sorry," he said. He actually looked a bit frightened and shifted his weight. "I can have one of the hospital counselors here immediately," he added, looking towards the doorway.

"Where is he?" Chris demanded. "Where's my uncle?"

"He's still in room four," he replied obediently. "There's so much happening at the moment, we're terribly behind, and..."

Chris pivoted and then, with Angelica hanging on, marched out of the room. I looked at the doctor and then at my mom, who was crying openly now.

Then I followed Chris and Angelica out and down the hallway to room four, where dad lay on the gurney, his eyes closed. There was still enough color in his face to look as if he was just sleeping.

"He's made a mistake," I thought. "They've all made a terrible error. Dad's just asleep. He'll wake up any moment and wonder where he is and how he got here. We'll all laugh about it."

Chris stood looking down at her and then slowly raised her hand and put it gently on dad's forehead as if he was checking for a fever. Angelica stood beside him, her head down.

"Dad," it came out of me like a burp. I didn't even think to say it.

Angelica moved to put her arm around my shoulders, and we three stood there silently gazing at my dad, who had drifted off and out of this life, away from the sadness and disappointment, out of the reach of all the regret and anger the world held.

At that moment I could think only of joining him. How easy he had made it seem.

And then that body of mine which had been going from soft mush to hard numb muscle returned to mush, and my legs gave way. In fact, it felt as if my torso were sinking through them. I sat on the floor before I went dark.

That was definitely the most awful experience I've ever had. The cool night and sea breeze did nothing to silence the thoughts that just came flowing through my head like a river.

I had hoped the silence and darkness would leave me in peace and lessen the pain, but the silence only echoed my thoughts, tears started to stream down my face all of a sudden.

I continued walking along the shoreline brushing the tears from my face. The walk had done me no good so I planned on going home and taking a nap, the sleepless nights had taken a huge toll on my body leaving me bleary-eyed and out of focus.

As I turned to head my way back home, over the roar of the waves I hear a scream in the distance the dim light of the shining moon through the cloud cover made it hard to focus on what was happening.