What Mrs.Fatty Must Do

I'M BACK!

I woke up to an empty bed. Not that I wasn't used to it. It was the reason I had left him so many times before. The house seemed dead which was a surprise because there was a baby in the house. 

I looked at my phone, there was no messages yet. I was expecting a few lawyers to be ringing up my phone. But it was as empty as it always was. No one cared enough to message me. I got out of bed, still slightly sore but I could manage to walk down the beautiful steps that once put me in awe. Now they were just another boring part of the boring house I was going to be in for the rest of my life. Once you spend so many nights in one place, the magic is taken away. I guess that's what happened to Xavior and I. The magic was lost. We were both bored and the baby was the only thing keeping us together. Shocker. 

I slowly made my way to the kitchen which I found empty. Not like I was expecting anyone to be in there. But a part of me wish one of the maids were there to talk. I just wanted to take my mind off things. Including the uncomfortable pain between my legs. 

I grabbed the peanut butter and a spoon; my guilty pleasure. I struggled to open the tightly shut lid but when I did, the rich smell of creamy peanuts made the struggle worth it. I dug my spoon into the peanut butter and took a massive spoonful out. I then proceeded to shove it into my mouth and let the sticky cream overtake my tongue. 

I looked back at my life so far an realized the unsettling truth, I am just like my mother. As much as I wanted to deny it and avoid what was right in front of me, I realized that I am just as horrible as my mother. The words, the lies, the attitude, everything was exactly as my mother to my mother. It was like I looked into the mirror and all I saw was that witch that made me run from him in the first place. I was arrogant, self-centered, and ignorant and it all came down to the fact that I was a pathetic excuse as a human. I was a horrible daughter, a horrible friend, a horrible fiance, and a horrible mother to top it all off. 

But, those qualities made my mother rich. When she married my dad she barely had enough money to afford a nice pair of shoes. My dad changed that. So what she lost her soul, she gained a better lifestyle. Xavior would do that same for me. We don't have to love each other, we only have to tolerate each other. Who we were and who we are now are two very different things. 

I looked into my half eaten jar of peanut butter and realized Xavior hated when I did stuff like this. I took another spoonful anyways. By the time the jar was half empty I had drawn a conclusion to the circles that I had been racing around since I first stepped into the kitchen. I was doing being nice. Being nice never got me anywhere. I don't want to work anymore. I want to sit at home with a bottle of vodka in one hand a a jar of peanut butter in the other all day. For once I want to put my feet up and relax with nothing to do all day. I hadn't done that since I was a toddler. 

The jar was now completely empty but I was using my fingers to scrap the heaven off with my fingers and then proceed to stick it in my mouth and suck the glory off of my finger. I looked down at the jar before tossing it away life I tossed away my love life. A part of me was empty life the jar and the other was full like my stomach. So many new possibilities but the struggle was letting go of the old habits. If I was going to make a life with someone it would have to be Xavior. He was the only one that was able to keep up with all of my constant mood swings. 

My life should not be lived in vain. I deserve a life of money and greed when I want it. I had worked so hard all these years. It was finally time to let go of the old Lillian and make way for a more "business-friendly" Lillian. I was approaching this new lifestyle as a business proposition. Which in a sense, it always had been. Me meeting Xavior was a business deal of its own. I mean, thinking back to the way he asked me out on a first date reminded me of how formal it was. It was less of an invite and more of a "I need someone because no one will take me" kind of deal. It was strictly a "friend-date" while also acting as me being his personal escort. Everything about us was a transaction of a sort. The ring was more of a way of building a status for him and for me it was putting me in a place of power. It was never about the other. Only about what us as an individual wanted.

I thought back to our time in the bedroom. As silly as it may seem, I miss that the most. Xavior and I were able to express ourselves however we wanted. Being tied up, locking lips unexpectedly, and most of all the simple pleasure of a gentle kiss lingering on every inch of our bodies. I could almost feel his tender and warm lips brushing up against my neck. I missed the nibbles he would leave on my neck down to my collar bone. 

That old flame was gone.

Sex just wasn't as "spicy" as it used to be with us. And I think I miss that more than the love we once shared. Good things don't last forever. 

I looked at the sparkling ring on my dainty finger and glared at it. It was a sign of my obedience to a master of manipulation. I was a status, and from now on, he would be to.  

I KNOW I SAID I WOULD UPDATE BY LIFE GOT CRAZY!!!

HELLO!!! 

I MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!! 

I am so sorry I haven't updated for so long. It has been three months since I even logged on and I had over 400 notifications! I LOVE YOU GUYS!

I hope this chapter gives you a little insight to Lillian and what she is all about now.

HOWEVER, 

I have noticed a few of you do not exactly know what is going on with Lillian and you do not like where this is heading. 

Let me explain something, I am basin Lillian on a person with Board Line-Personality-disorder and Postpartum Depression. 

Now, I do not have or have ever had either of these. I am basing the Border Line Personality Disorder on a friend's mother who has very similar traits to Lillian. (She has the disorder) The Postpartum Depression I am basin on the normal symptoms while also taking into account her BLP. 

I know this story is getting a little dark. If you don't like it I would not recommend finishing this novel. This is how I have planned the story from the beginning. I wanted it to have a "real-life" feel to it with the character. I wanted to give her a real challenge and her real challenge are her diagnosed diseases I struggle with my Bipolar Disorder so I wanted my character to face the same. This story with have a strong conclusion and I will leave nothing to the imagination if you keep giving Lillian and Xavior a chance. 

I wanted to clear that up because I had a few people commenting and "bashing" Lillian's behavior when it is a very real thing. 

It's been crazy for me! When I last updated I was still in high school and here I am making my way through college! I love you guys so much and I love your support. Please spend the time to leave me a comment and give this story a vote. It would mean a lot. 

See ya'll in the next chapter. 

-Charis