Discovering Rowan [on hold]

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Skylar swore. "That's not true! It's not like that!"

"What is it like then?" I protested. It was freezing. "Just please walk me home." I said my teeth chattering.

"Fine." He huffed out a breath of warm air. I watched the warm air rise and swirl white tendrils of steam curling from his mouth. We walked home in silence. The pain of my scratched hands started to sink in making my hands throb which I guessed was partly down to the cold. I wished I had brought a coat. I put my hand to my face where my tears had dried. We came to a stop at my gate.

"Thank you." I said opening my gate. He stood there eyes on me not saying anything. "Bye." I let the gate slam with a satisfying clang. I felt bad letting him walk back alone, but I guess you could count that as my five years worth of revenge. I still felt bad. I went inside.

"Hey Rowan... are you okay?" Tanya said as she came out of the kitchen.

"Um yeah I'm fine." I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. Big mistake.

"Your hands!" Tanya cried, "Oh Rowan what happened? You're also soaked!" Crap. All hopes of disappearing into my room unnoticed were dashed.

"I fell over in the dark. I'm fine honestly." I gave her a small smile and went to head of to my room. Ha. No chance.

"Come on, I need to treat that with disinfectant." Tanya scolded me making me feel about five. I hated disinfectant. It stung like hell. Sometimes I was glad of Tanya's motherly streak but right now it was not helping. She took me into the bathroom and washed my hands with the disinfectant and put a cotton wrap round it. Well, that wasn't staying on for school. "What happened?" She asked her eyes brimming with concern.

"I fell over in the dark." That was kind of true. And the easiest way to put it without mentioning Skylar.

"Oh and you've been crying! Here." She handed me a flannel and I wiped the eyeliner of my eyes. She tilted my chin up. "If only you didn't wear all that black. Your eyes look so much brighter without it." I cast my eyes down to the ground. "It's okay. Your home now. Nothing out there's going to get you." She knew I was terrified of the dark.

"I thought I was over it." I whispered into her jumper.

After I had a hot shower I trudged up the stairs into my room with a hot chocolate, placed the hot chocolate on my bedside table and collapsed on my bed. I grabbed my acoustic guitar off the shelf and played some chords. My eyes welled up with tears and I let them fall down my face while gently strumming the guitar.

I just wanted to make sure she was okay.

I sat bolt upright and my guitar almost fell off my bed. Who the hell was that? It sounded like Skylar. Crap. I looked around my room wild eyed, the moonlight from my bedroom window casting long shadows across my room. I put my guitar back and took a shaky sip of my hot chocolate. I looked under my bed, behind my bookshelves, around my desk, in my wardrobe and beside my chest of draws. Nothing. I tiptoed downstairs. Luke was in front of the TV watching Downton Abbey (or some sort of rubbish like that) with Tanya's head on his shoulder. Their hands were entwined and Luke kept looking down at her like she was the most precious object on earth. I felt my eyes water again. I wished I could be as complete like my brother, I wished that I could find my other half, have someone who's cares about me. I felt like I was slipping, I was trying to swim through a wave of anger and dispair to get to the happiness but I was being washed back into the dark. I closed the door quietly and headed back into my room. I knew there was nobody in the house and when I checked the window nobody was outside either. I buried myself under my duvet and tried to sleep but I couldn't. Skylar's voice was replaying in my head. I curled up tighter. I saw his face in my mind, as I said goodbye to him at the gate. I turned to face the wall. I could smell his smell, that Skylar smell of lynx mixed with something that was just him. I turned my head to the ceiling. I could feel him, the muscles in his arms as he hugged me. I curled up tight and placed my head on my arms. I wanted to scream. He wouldn't get out of my head. I concentrated on my breathing. I managed to finally fall asleep around four in the morning.

***

I was woken to the sound of my phone falling off my bedside table. It was buzzing along the floor. The time read 7:41am. No wonder it had fallen off the table, my alarm had been going for 11 minutes. I stopped the alarm and plugged my phone on charge. I ran downstairs and got a shower. My blue dip-dye was fading a bit. And my hair was getting longer. But my eyes. I had massive black bags. I put a bit of concealer underneath my eyes which didn't do much good but was better than nothing. I kept my eyeliner to minimum only putting a thin line over my eyes. I kept the same studs in from yesterday and I couldn't physically remove the 13 string bracelets from my arm so they were there all the time. I shoved on my school uniform and then checked I had everything in my bag. Maths book, my trusty green pen, guitar pick, eyeliner, food- wait I needed lunch. And something for breakfast. I grabbed a cereal bar and found Tanya had left me a cheese and marmite sandwich, bless her. I brushed my teeth and ran out the door. My backpack, which was black with leather straps and small red roses sewn on, bounced on my back as I ran out of the garden. I realized I had forgotten my phone. Dumping my rucksack I ran back inside grabbed my phone and my bus pass (which I had also forgotten) and ran out. Hearing the whir of the bus engines I quickly caught my breath and picked up my bus pass and got onto the bus.

Eric burst into laughter. I wanted to spin round but I didn't. I felt someone sit down behind me. Someone clapped their hands over my eyes.

"Ooooh" A voice said. "The dark. Scary isn't it?" I dug my nails into whoevers palm it was. They drew back their hand immediately but let out a dark chuckle. I turned round. It was going to be Skylar wasn't it? Well, as long as he hadn't said it loud enough for everyone to hear. But no. It was Eric. My throat felt dry and I struggled for breath. I turned back round and closed my eyes. I couldn't hear them. Everyone was laughing. Fear. Dark. Skylar. I reached my hand up for the stop bell. The bus screeched to a halt and I ran off. I walked along the curb trying to control my breathing. It was only a five minute walk. By the time I reached school I was calm. I walked into the music block, head in my bag fishing my pick out. I collided with someone. I looked up. It was Skylar. My temper flared.

"I'm-" Skylar started but didn't finish.

"Get your hands off me." He went to say something. "OFF ME." I said my voice raising. The light bulb smashed, my tempter taken away from me. "What have I ever done to you Skylar Chase? I've hardly spoken a word to you, yet you have to laugh at everything about me. Despite that, last night I trusted you. I TRUSTED YOU. Fuck that, don't expect me to ever do that again." He flinched.

"I'm sorry, I.." He looked up and pinched the bridge of his nose. He put his hand on my arm. His fingers felt like mini sparlkers on my skin.

"No!" I cried and pulled my arm away. "What don't you understand about DON'T TOUCH ME?" I was now shaking all the strong part of me gone. I felt a tear slip down my face. But I want giving in just yet. "Just leave me alone." I sobbed. There was only so much I could do on 3 hours sleep.

"Rowan?" El came running into the corridor but I was already gone. I locked myself in the toilet and slid down the door.

"Why won't you just go away?" I heard El's voice.

"Is there a problem here?" Mr D joined the discussion.

"Look-" Skylar butted in.

"Get away you jerk! Seriously, what is wrong with you?"

"El you don't understand she was-"

"I don't care what she was, what have you-"

"Quiet!" Mr D silenced them both. "Skylar go back with Josh and get on with your practice. El, where's Rowan?" No. I wasn't coming out. If I came out it wouldn't be just Skylar and his gang laughing.

"Let me sort it out. Ro?" El said softly. "Ro, nobody saw. Just me and Soph heard you arguing. Please come out." Yeah right. Despite this I unlocked the door. El came in and folded me in a hug. "Hes such an dick." I hear her say. She stands on the tip toes and looks at my face. "Here," She says wiggling a finger. She fixes up my eyeliner and adds little flicks. "See, those flicks compliment your eyes. Your eyes look nicer without all that black." I smile.

"That's what Tanya said."

"Well she's right. I know you love your eyeliner Ro, but just those little flicks, yeah? I would kill for your eyes."

"Really?"

"Yeah, now come on. Soph's gonna be mad. She'll call this soppy girl stuff."

"We're not soppy girls!" I laughed.

El chucked. "Stop stalling, c'mon, lets go make some damn music!"