Talking to the Moon ✔

-Chapter: Forty-Four-

I could feel the trimmed grass on my back as I stared at the sky. My brother, Aqib and Laia were preparing for the rescue trip that we were planning to take. I, on the other hand, couldn't help. Something in my mind told me that the trip wouldn't be as hopeful as we were predicting it. I could not help but run scenarios in my head -- scenarios that were predicting horrible outcomes. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see Omar's face and it always reflected pain.

He was in pain.

I stared at the Moon -- the thing that had been my friend since young but now I was sure that it had been a product of my imagination. However, if I tried to close my eyes and seek Her out, would I feel her presence?

It was what I did, I closed my eyes and tried to seek her out. I need reassurance or at least validation of my actions. I just wanted to know -- needed to someone to tell me -- that the trip would not be in vain. I wanted to find Omar and come back without anything happening to anyone.

Asad believed that Omar was worth the risk and I did too. He was the Prince and he was my friend. But was he worth risking so many lives?

Anything could happen; Laia and my brother could get injured. A shudder passed through my spine and a small drop of tear leaked from the corner of my eyes. I couldn't risk my brother, I know I was being selfish, but I couldn't.

I had lost one already.

Qamar has lost everyone.

I didn't feel her presence within me but I could hear her voice clear in my head. I sat upright and wide eyed. I hadn't been expecting her to talk to me. What was she?

I had also never had her answer anything so directly; she had always been vague, speaking in riddles, waiting for me to figure out.

What about me? I wanted to ask. I didn't care of putting myself in the harms way but I did care for my brother and my parents. They needed him more than me. He had always been their strength, the one person that held them together ever since he was born. I felt bad for the Monarch but I could not simply risk everything important for him.

If not for him, at least for the thousands of people that will be affected.

I closed my eyes again and let the tears flow freely. I was scared for my brother, for my friends and for Omar. I had to stop the urge of simply going to the stables, grabbing a horse and running towards the Rayt. But that would be poor decision by my part and simply lead to more chaos. Aqib didnt need that.

I remembered when I was satisfied with the small number of people that I had to care about. When did it extend to so many more? Why did it have to be members of the royal family who will constantly be in danger no matter what I did?

Why did it have to be the Monarch and his brother? I glanced at the window that belonged to the Monarch's room. He wouldn't be asleep, I knew that, but I just didn't feel like visiting him anymore. If he could have been normal...

I gritted my teeth in anger at myself. How could I blame him? How was he at fault? He didn't have control over his emotions or the way he grieved. I wanted to hit myself and remind myself -- he had lost a child! I had lost a brother but my pain wouldn't be the same as my parents. They had lost their child, something who had been a part of them. Something that they had sacrificed so much for!

What was wrong with me?

I didn't want to lose my brother but he was going to lose everyone -- everyone that he possibly cared of. My parents were safe in their village but they wouldn't be if we didn't rescue Omar. Rebellion will rise everywhere if we don't help. What then?