Why Can't You Let Me Be Happy?

Chapter 4

Mitch wasn't there at our free time. Neither was Travis. They were both missing as we were allowed to roam the grounds. I suspected they were off having some fun while the rest of us were trying not to eye fuck each other.

"Fuck Travis!" When I turned the corner I expected to see something inappropriate but it was just the two of them sharing a smoke. "You really like him don't you?"

"Todrick's amazing." Travis took the cigarette from Mitch's fingers to take a puff for himself. "But he wouldn't ditch his family for me." He continued to explain. Mitch was leaning against the wall, nodding with Travis' every sentence.

"You have to try." Mitch said simply.

"What about you and that new piece of tail?" He laughed at Travis.

"Scott? Nah." I pressed myself against the other side so they wouldn't see me. "He has a chance to get out of here. I'm not going to ruin that."

"Aw. Look at you. Being all sweet and cutesy."

"Shut the hell up." He paused. "Maybe it's because he's listening in. Hi Scotty boy." I hesitantly walked around the corner. Mitch had a smirk across his face that I have come to loath and adore. Travis chuckled at the two of us.

"Why don't you two fuck already?" Travis walked off and what seemed like the billionth time, I was left alone with Mitch.

"I'm sorry. About what I said this morning." He waved his hand dismissively.

"Don't worry about it." I took a step closer and another step. Right until I was standing next to him. That's when I decided to push my luck.

"Why were you apologizing to your dad?" He pulled out a pack of smokes from his back pocket. I smacked his hand, knocking the pack to the ground. "Stop. It's bad for you. You'll get cancer and die."

"One less gay in the world."

"Don't say that." I made a daring move and laced his soft fingers through mine. I felt a jolt of electricity pulse through my body. That felt incredible. Then my mind went through the fantasy of him running his hands along my body or taking my bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled away.

"You okay Scott?"

"Mm-hmm." I nodded quickly. I glanced down at his lips before returning to his eyes. Geez. Way to be subtle.

"I bet you want to kiss me." He rocked back on his heels. I wanted to nod but I stopped myself. I was suppose to be getting better. He scoffed. "I was just kidding. So why are you here? How did oh so straight Scott get caught?" I slid down against the wall until I was sitting in the dirt. Mitch mimicked my actions.

"I might have moaned a guy's name when my girlfriend and I were together." He had a weird look on his face. "We weren't having sex. And then I guess sometimes I would keep my eyes on certain things for too long." He sighed.

"Yes the sin of a man's package and their tight ass." I let my laughed blend with his. Everything about Mitch was so unique.

"What about you?"

"Me? I'm a disappointment to my father." He said it very nonchalantly but I could tell it bugged him.

"Is that why you're sorry?" He picked up a cigarette from the ground and lit it. I didn't protest as he put the cancer stick to his lips.

"Yeah." He made a disgusted face at the cigarette before grinding it in the ground. "I use to have this friend and I guess we would spend too much time together."

"Doing what?" He looked at me like I was dumb.

"What do you think dumbass?" He sighed. "Anyways, my stepmother walked in on us on my bed together. I was simply kissing him but she wouldn't listen to me. She yelled until my father came and he beat the hell out of Mark. I lost my boyfriend and I lost my dad." He kicked the dirt causing dust to swirl in the air. "It's easy to pretend you don't have a son when he's gay. Not to mention the receiver in the relationship." We sat in an awkward silence. I let my head fall against the wall so I could look at him. He was picking at his nails.

"Did you love him?" His lips turned into a thin line.

"It doesn't matter. He wasn't even gay." His knuckles were turning white. "I knew it too. But it felt so good to have someone touch me or kiss like I had a purpose that ignored the fact he had a girlfriend."

"He had to feel something."

"Yeah. My nails on his back. Like I said it doesn't matter." He repeated for the second time. I grabbed his hand as he stood up. He pull it away to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye. "Watch it. I could report you for that."

I didn't see Mitch at group therapy and I was left alone during our time with our buddies. It was kind of understandable though. He spilled all that stuff to a complete stranger. I wonder why he felt the need to tell all that to me. He doesn't seem like the type of person to blab about his personal life. Especially if it hurt him that much. I mean that caused him to cry. I walked into the shared bedroom while everyone else was out with their buddies.

"Ow. Fuck." Mitch was sitting down on the ground, leaning his back against my bed. He had the small taser pressed on the skin on his forearm. It lit up as a spark was sent through his skin. He made a pained whine as it happened again.

"Stop." I grabbed the device from his hand. It was at its highest voltage. Mitch looked at me angrily.

"Give it back and go away!"

"No. Mitch. You're burning your skin with this thing." That's what the weird smell in the room was. Burning flesh.

"Hey! You don't control my decisions." He tried to snatch it back by standing to his feet. I extended my arm all the way.

"I will if you're hurting yourself."

"I'm not your fucking property!"

"Good! Who would want you?!" As soon as the words raced out of my mouth I wanted to lock them back up. The look on his face made my heart shatter. The front door slammed open as Seth came in.

"What happened? I heard shouting."

"Nothing." Mitch took the device from my hand when it got low enough. Seth cautiously walked out the door.

"I didn't-" His look silenced the plea for my case. He was hurt. And me saying that I was sorry wasn't going to help. I didn't mean to say it. It sort of just slipped. I had been angry that he was hurting himself and then I am now the reason he was hurt.

"You were suppose to be different." He shook his head. "I was wrong. You're just like everyone else." He began walking towards the changing room.

"Mitch I swear-" He slammed the door behind him. "I'm different." I finished my sentence feebly. It's not like he could hear me anyways. I climbed into my bed. I could smell him on the side of my sheets where he was sitting. I felt my eyes droop shut as Mitch kept gasping in pain.