Bloom Again /James Potter/ ❁book 2❁

❁Chapter 3❁

Chapter 3

School returned and she hated it, she hated the students and the eyes and the feast of the returning night that struck her mind. She hated the crying she did as she ran from the hall too consumed by nausea and the attention eating away at her that she couldn't bear, she hated it, she hated all of it and she couldn't bring herself to look in the direction of her friends.

Everything seemed okay, nothing was alright, nothing was fine but it was plain and simple and okay and she had James to depend on if she needed him but she always wished she didn't no matter what words he said to her, it was a feeling of intense weakness she couldn't seem to shake.

She missed most classes, all except one and even showing up there didn't feel right. The pain in the Professor's eyes as she watched the girl take a seat at the very back of the class, and almost any time she asked a question she watched the class fall silent, some forgetting and most waiting for the bright bubbly Bea's hand to shoot up into the air and yet it never did.

She remained still and silent and she had drawn on the corner of a parchment small doodles of help but she wasn't good at drawing, she liked the swipe of the quill on the parchment, she liked seeing the finished result. It was like magic, drawing was, and she was intrigued by the art of it, how something could appear from her memory and look back at her from the tiniest corner.

It wasn't wise going to the class she didn't need to show up for, she could take the O.W.L and ace it without studying because for her entire school life she studied every day, essay after essay and plant after plant, she knew it all, she was a know it all in the art of herbology.

And that wasn't a bad thing. It was never a bad thing to know something, she knew of plants and words and spells. She could recite incantations and grow flowers out of thin air and it was incredible, and her mind expanded with everything she learned but showing up to class wasn't going to help her learn anything, she had taught herself that already.

It was hard to cope, for her to even talk to James sometimes, she just didn't want to. She contemplated hurting herself just to feel again but it seemed useless when the pain just added to what she already felt. She was in pain always because no matter how much she tried to stop the memories seeping into her mind, sometimes it was though she was forced to remember.

Sometimes her mind would wander and she was blissfully unaware and her friends where by her side and she was with James and he was smiling so widely and she could feel herself smiling too and laughter was around her and -

Reality came crashing back down on her every time like a weight she had to force herself out from under and sometimes it was harder. She felt like she was drowning, choking on the pain she felt and swimming to the surface was a long-gone opportunity no matter how much she tried.

Currently, she was wandering the halls rid of students who had rushed to their classes. The early morning September sun was already in the sky during her stroll, light clearing the way through the arches to the courtyard and a soft breeze creating the smallest bumps on her arms.

She was in her own mind, own thoughts pounding in her forehead and her chest aching, she wished to release what she felt, wish to scream, wished to fly and leave but she couldn't. She stayed on the ground and she kept her head down, her eyes on the concrete and the stone and the flowers of the courtyard and she wasn't looking where she was going.

And then suddenly she was on the ground, eyes wide and the smallest squeak leaving her lips and a pain in her shoulder. It all happened so fast she didn't quite know what to make of it, she was forcefully pulled from her thoughts when she heard a voice above her.