Switched By Souls✔️

26; I'll be back

My eyes are wide open but i can't see anything, my lips were opened but no voices are out, and i feel so lifeless.

I'm currently back home preparing myself for the funeral, i need someone to give me a sledgehammer to hit myself with it, i should've been there for him, i feel it's all my fault.

I sighed, even the sigh was voiceless, damn i prefer to be dead by now.

I braided my hair, put on my black dress and black flats, the black bags under my eyes are the best makeup i'd ever put, i don't need to conceal them. Roger never loved makeup, especially on me, he'd always nag about wearing makeup, he'd call me clown for putting too much "paint" on my face, i remember trying to put makeup on him for the first time. Now, with him being away, who'd be there for me? To do all these stuff?

I feel so lifeless, and remembering that i have to meet my family, at the funeral makes it 10 times worse, because i'm not ready.

Not ready to face them, not with Edward by my side, not with losing my voice.

"Are you ready baby?" I turned around to answer Edward, but then I remembered i couldn't, so i nodded only.

He nodded along, i sensed that Edward wasn't comfortable with this situation, maybe he looks at me as if i'm a downgrade, maybe i'm not enough for him anymore.

He licked his lips and rubbed his hands, he said something underneath his breath that i couldn't hear, as desperate as i might sound, i really wanted to hear it, because i wasn't up for doubting my surroundings, and Edward.

I held her hand and motioned for her to leave, this is messed up.

We arrived the funeral and Mary Jane is already shaking, crying, fading into dust, breaking into pieces, screaming without letting out a voice.

On the contrary, i see mothers and fathers crying in funerals, but what shook my nerves is that, Mary's mom and dad didn't cry a bit, literally. No tears were poured out from their eyes, the only one who was crying in sorrow was Mary, crying in silence, not daring to communicate with her parents, even at tough situations like that.

She let go of my grip and ran to her mother who didn't try to flinch, Mary Jane had her arms wrapped around her mom, but all she received was nothing. Her mom was looking at the grave and i felt like she was crying to herself, while her father didn't show any emotion, which played with my nerves.

Then when i tried to comfort Mary, her mother glared at me, and Mary was just closing her eyes crying silently because obviously she couldn't speak.

"Come on baby, let's sit down." I wrapped my arms around her waist as she relaxed to my touch, and stopped crying and took her time to catch breaths that were running out of hand.

She nodded and we sat in front row, when Mary's father started to speak.

I held her petite hand in mine, and kissed it. Then I thought to myself, would Ignatius do that?

Would he care for her the way i do for her? Would he hold her when she's in need? Would he be there for her in hardships?

I would breathe her like air, i would do anything to make her happy.

She looked deeply in my eyes, her eyes were calling, "Help me," she pleaded.

I wanted to cry my eyes out, but i wanted to be in my strongest phase, i have to be strong for her.

By the time the funeral was over and we headed home, my parents and i didn't talk at all. It broke my heart, i mean i lost my brother too, without my voice i'm just paying dust.

We basically arrived home and i screamed my lungs out but not Edward nor Apollo not Aphrodite heard me, i didn't hear myself either.

I wanted to shower, I wanted to get rid of the chemicals on my skin, i wanted to keep the scent of my lover, though.

I hopped in the bathtub and it felt so bubbly, i relaxed in the tub as i replayed my life's tapes for the past years, from the point of starting to the point i am in now.

I waited for Edward who supposedly wanted to buy us dinner since i was too reckless to cook. I don't even cook that much, perks of having a job.

Wrapping my towel around my body, my feet took me to the mirror that read, written in red lipstick.

I'll be back.- I.M

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Heyy guys! I missed you! Sorry for the short chapter! I'll make it up for you guys i promise! I hope you're loving this work, i'm almost 1K! That's exciting, thank you for sharing this journey with me, much love.