Raymond POV:
I know I'm not the most booksmart person in the world. I'm lucky to even have a grade as good as a C right now. And it's not exactly a secret to the world either. Everyone knows I'll probably be a janitor when I grow up unless I'm able to land some sort of football scholarship in college.
But I'm at least smart enough to know that Naomi could probably be listed in the top ten most uncomfortable people in the world right now. Her gaze refuses to leave her hands, which are clasped together in her lap. I can tell she's hoping our parents will finally decide they're done with dinner and mine will tell me it's time to leave before she has to answer me. It's a stupid thing to hope, considering we only just got up here ten minutes ago, and they will likely be another hour or so.
I turn my gaze back to the photograph that I had found in her nightstand drawer. It was a picture taken of her, Dominic and I when we were all about seven years old. We were all together at Valley park, with her in the middle, laughing at something I can't remember. Back then I had been so in love with her that it drove me insane. Those kinds of feelings weren't normal, especially for a seven year old. But of course, she loved Dominic. It was a few months before Dominic had left, back when I was still nice to her. It wasn't until after Dominic had left that I had begun to bully her, I guess partly because I had blamed her for Dominic leaving.
From that point forward, I was a monster. Well, at least I was to her. To everyone else, I was just the one they wanted to be friends with, not because they liked me, but because they knew that I could make or break them. In a sense, they were using me. They saw me as a sort of ticket to popularity. But Naomi only saw me as a nightmare. A monster. A creature straight from hell. So why would she keep a picture with me in it?
I forced my gaze away from the photo and back to Naomi, who looked like she'd rather jump out her window than be in her current situation. But, like I do with her all the time, I ignored it.
"You didn't answer me," I noted. She finally looked up and made eye contact with me.
"There isn't any answer," she told me. She's lying.
"Yeah there is. There's got to be some reason you kept a picture with me in it for all these years. I know you loved Dominic, but I also know that you absolutely hate me, and you would've at least cropped me out of it unless you had a reason not to." I don't know why I'm pushing so hard to know this, but I am.
"I don't know! I just did," she replied. Bullshit.
"Naomi," and just like that, my voice is pleading, and I have no idea why. "Just tell me whatever reason you might've had to keep it." There's always a reason. Some sort of subconscious force in the back of our minds telling us to do it. That's why I bullied her. It's why I'm pressing her to tell me why she kept the picture. And it's why she kept it. She's silent for a long time.
"Because I used to believe in you," she said, her voice soft as if she were afraid to say it aloud. And everything I'd ever done to her came rushing back to my mind like a storm, and I feel every ounce of guilt and regret that I'd pushed down through the years come rising back up and consume me. of course, I already knew the answer. I knew it and I pressed her to say it because I needed to hear her say it. I needed somebody, anybody to say it to me. And yet I didn't realize it until now.
I'm silent for a few seconds, letting the shock wear off, because even though I was expecting it, it was still a shock to hear her say it. She lets me process what she said before she keeps going.
"I know it's stupid and you probably think I'm insane, but what other choice do I have? My life is a living hell right now and I literally want to die most of the time. And sometimes I feel like I'm already dead. My life is literally just an endless stream of bad things and hurt feelings, and as stupid as it sounds, I have literally no other choice than to just hope that it gets better, because if it doesn't then boy, am I screwed. So as stupid as it sounds, I chose to believe in you, not because I wanted to, but because that small, tiny bit of hope is the only thing keeping me from ending it all now." It takes me several minutes to realize what she'd just told me.
