Yellow

Everyone

Veronica says she's worried about me. She says that I've lost a lot of weight, and that it's visible now. I tell her to stop worrying; that I'm fine. She doesn't look convinced, but doesn't mention it anymore.

I returned to school, to the utter delight of Hannah. She's more cruel now then ever, and all my defenses are slowly crumbling down. Whereas I used to be able to ignore her words' sting, they're now slicing and stabbing, leaving marks on my skin. She hasn't mentioned Jenna. No one has. We heard that she was buried out of the state, on a family estate. I wonder how her parents are coping, and if they're okay. I'm not. Hannah seems to know this, increasingly making my already miserable life even worse. No one cares about me anymore, and I keep pushing Veronica away. It's better that way. At least she won't get hurt too. Dan doesn't look me in the eye anymore after his party. I see him and Hannah in the hallways, always making out. I guess she got control over him again.

I walk into the library to go to my usual spot, but I'm instead met with a girl in a pink outfit. Jenna always used to wear pink. I guess pink is Hannah's color now. Hannah glares at me, and I start to walk away, only to feel her hand wrap around my thinning arm. She pulls me to her, so that I look at her right in her eyes.

"I see you've lost weight," she snarls. "It's still not enough," she laughs at me and lets me go, spinning around and walking away. Her words echo in my mind for the rest of the day, and the days to come.

By Friday, I've lost three more pounds. It's not enough. I don't go to school because I can barely stand. I'm shaking a bit, but I ignore it as I get out of bed and go to the gym room in my house. It's basically just a room with a treadmill and some weights, but my mother insists that we call it a gym room for some reason. I get on the treadmill and slowly increase the intensity, as I focus on the show that's on the TV. I have a goal to run for at least an hour. I don't know why I'm letting Hannah's words bother me so much. I just guess that maybe she's right, and maybe that once I lose enough weight she'll stop being so mean. It's not like I'm gonna lose a lot of weight anyway. Just 20 pounds, and then maybe a bit more if that's not enough for her. It's been about two weeks since I got the news about Jenna, and Ronnie has stopped coming over. We sort of stopped talking too. I haven't worn yellow since.

Elodie: The days have gotten colder. Maybe I have too. I pushed you away because I didn't want you to get hurt too. I don't know how long it's been since the news. I've stopped counting the days. I'm down to 80 pounds now. I was right, Hannah stopped teasing me for my weight. Instead she goes after anything else she can think of. I don't remember the last time I could feel any positive emotion. It's all just switched from being numb, to feeling so sad I can't function. I've lost myself, and I don't know if I can come back now. To be honest, I don't think I want to come back. I'm sorry.

I push send and close my eyes, tears falling down my face. It's December. I never realized how much I depended on Veronica, and how much she did for me until this moment. My final moments. I open the bottle up, and carefully take each pill out. Everything has gotten to a point where I just can't take it. Hannah has gone out of her way to terrorize me, and the bullying has pushed me over the edge. I don't know how much this will take. I lock the bathroom door, and slowly fill up the empty bottle with water. I glance at the time. It's 1:33 am. Veronica probably won't be up. There's nothing stopping me now. My mother doesn't care if I'm alive or dead. I take one pill. My friend is dead, and I didn't even try to save her. I swallow another. No one has ever cared about me in my entire life. I take a third pill. Hannah hates me with a passion, and she even said I'd make everyone happier if I was dead. I never liked to disappoint people. The fourth is gone, joining the other pills in my system. I keep going until I take the whole handful. Thirty minutes pass. Have I always felt this shaky? I look at my hands as the room spins, and I fall into the sink. I feel a sharp pain in my abdomen. Bang. I swear I can hear my name being called. My head throbs, and I pull myself to the trash can. I dry heave, as my stomach desperately tries to find something to throw up. I manage a bitter, sad laugh. It won't find anything. I look in the trash can. Has it always been crimson? I try to remember what color it was, writhing in pain. Bang bang bang bang bang. My head pounds faster. Wait. Is that my head or my heart? I think I hear myself scream, and I fight to keep my eyes open. I was so sure of my decision before, but now? I don't want to die. My eyes flutter close just as I hear the breaking of wood, and the bright white light of my bathrooms fades in and out to black. The burning in my stomach gets worse and worse, and I convulse violently. My vision fully fades to black, and the high-pitched whining I heard earlier slowly retreats. This is it; this is the end of me. My final breaths. But I don't want to die. Not now, please. Please!

AN: Hey guys! Hope you like this new chapter! I know it's dark. If any of you need to talk, I'm always here, and I posted some numbers below. If you have any other lifelines, please comment and I'll add them! Don't forget to comment and vote! Stay safe guys. ~Kye

If you are in distress and/or have suicidal thoughts and need free, confidential support you can call or chat with the Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the U.S:
Call: 1 (800) 273-8255
Chat: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

If you are in distress and/or have suicidal thoughts in the U.K. call or chat with Samaritans free of charge from a landline or mobile, 24/7:
Helpline: 116 123
Email: jo@samaritans.org

If anyone is struggling or might be struggling with an eating disorder, tell a doctor or a trusted adult immediately, and get the help you deserve.

If anyone needs to talk to someone for emotional/mental health, go to https://www.7cups.com a free and confidential chat site where you can talk to a trained professional.