Yellow

Sunflowers

I hear beeping. It's rhythmic, but it becomes  faster and faster. I hear footsteps, running close to me. I hear muffled sobbing, too. I feel something burning in my nose and throat. I feel the worst pain imaginable in my stomach. I feel people touching me, removing something-IVs?- from my arms and replacing them with new ones. I taste metal. No, not metal. I taste blood. I taste something acidic, like vinegar, but more putrid. I taste something salty, maybe tears. I smell the unmistakable sterilization of a hospital. I smell something that smells utterly horrible. Is it me? I try to open my eyes. I hear someone shout for a nurse. I keep trying to open my eyes. I want to see. I want to live. I hear a nurse tell me to take it easy. To not rush anything. I listen. After two minutes, I open my eyes, and they adjust to the lights. The first thing I see are the machines I'm hooked up to. The monitor beeps faster when I realize where I am. I feel someone grab my hand and squeeze it. The person comes into view, and I see the unmistakable smile of Veronica. I manage to barely squeeze her hand back, and then I fall asleep.

I've been staying in the psych ward of the hospital. They don't trust me enough yet to discharge me. Everyone has told me how stupid it was for me to do what I did. Don't they think I don't know that? The doctor's said I'd almost died. They had to pump my stomach to get all the pills out, or something like that. I have a giant scar now, and I can only eat liquidized foods. They say I'm severely underweight, and that if I hadn't tried to kill myself directly, that my malnourishment would have killed me soon. Ronnie has visited me everyday, and has brought yellow back into my life, literally with sunflowers, and metaphorically. She was the one who broke down my bathroom door and called the ambulance. She found me in a pool of my own blood and vomit, convulsing. She's had nightmares ever since. My mother was there too. She was crying, but I felt nothing. We both agreed that we have work to do, that she should be a better mother. She apologized for everything. I did too. It marked the beginning of a better relationship between the two of us.

The school found out what had happened and acted like they cared, saying things similar to "I can't believe Elodie did that! She seemed just fine to us!" As if the teachers and the staff were completely blind to Hannah's bullying. Oh, speaking of Hannah, she was suspended from school for a month, and has to go to counseling now. People were saying that she never meant to take it this far. Like that even matters. The point is that she hurt me. She hurt a lot of people, and she'll have to work hard to redeem herself, if she even can. I don't know if she'll ever be fully forgiven. Dan found some courage and broke up with Hannah for good. He also visits me in the hospital, and he feels guilty for never sticking up for me. I'm not angry at him though. It isn't his fault he was under Hannah's abusive control. We all were trapped under her regime.

Even though I'm still at the hospital receiving treatment, therapy has helped me cope with a lot: from Jenna's death to my attempt to join her and my father. My relationship is better with my mom, Dan and I have started an amazing friendship, and Veronica and I are as close as ever. Even the school has implemented a strict no-bully rule, and has hired a psychologist.  But don't think that everything ends up alright. I have physical, mental, and emotional scars from my suicide attempt, along with Ronnie, my mom, and even Dan. I still can't eat solid foods, and I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to eat them again. I also have a giant scar from the machine they used to save my life, and I don't think I'll ever stop having nightmares. I almost died, and what I did will haunt me and the people closest to me for the rest of our lives. I just hope no one ever has to go through what I did; and that they get help instead of taking things to the extreme. I turn onto my side on my hospital bed, and see a vase of bright yellow sunflowers. I close my eyes and hold onto a thought of hope, that maybe, just maybe, the world will get better.

AN: Thank you so much for reading my story! I know it's an emotional rollercoaster, but I wanted to write something about how horrible the effects of bullying can be, and how suicide is never the proper answer. Stay safe, loves, and thanks again for reading. Don't forget to comment/leave a vote! ~Kye
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