The Humanity Formula

Burgers, Boys, and Buns

"She's pretty." The words fall out of my mouth without much thought.

A cute small face, long and shiny black hair. Skinny. Probably a dance major, judging by the way she holds herself up as if by an invisible string tugging at the top of her head.

My chipped nails dig into my hamburger bun as I follow her with my eyes. There's a pain in my stomach, my grip tightens. I can't look away, even if it makes me angry to look at her. Why am I embarrassed? My teeth grit together.

"Yeah." The boy next to me agrees, not looking. "Why're we eating by the music building?"

"It's nice here." I shrug, my eyes darting to the students leaving the building. Classes must be getting out now. We still have at least an hour. Hanbin and I carefully crafted our schedules to allow for a long lunch break. It's our only break of the day.

My eyes linger on another student. This time, a guy. Tall, backpack slung over his shoulder. He's laughing with his friends. Why do music students even need backpacks? Hanbin seems to notice him, too, but looks away.

"Your advising was today, right?" He changes the subject.

"Yeah." I nod, still watching the guy. Dimple, I see a dimple. "Yours is tomorrow?"

"It wasn't bad, right?" Hanbin asks, stuffing his double bacon cheeseburger into his mouth. It's incredible every time, like a garden snake swallowing a cow.

"Of course not." I scoff offhandedly, stealing a fry from Hanbin's grease stained bag. "My grades are where they need to be. My English is good. I'm going to grad school, not much more to say..."

"You said you didn't want fries." He grouches but moves the bag closer to me on the bench. "I'll say that, too, I guess. I'll go to grad school."

"We kind of have it easy, in a way. We don't need to worry about getting into companies." I joke, washing down my fry with a diet coke.

"Yeah, we've got it so good." Hanbin rolls his eyes, leaning back against the bench. I try not to notice when his hand accidentally flicks the back of my head as he stretches. "Professor Choi called me this morning, she's really scary. I don't know how she found out about my advising appointment."

"She did?" My brows pop up. "Well, she is technically still faculty, even if she's in England right now. Maybe she got the schedule or something."

"Professor Lee hasn't asked you about it?"

"He doesn't care about stuff like that." I sigh. "Anytime I let him know he just tells me to handle it on my own. He trusts me."

I'm an adult. I can take of it myself. He trusts me.

Of course you'd get into that school. You're a good student. Did you think you wouldn't get an A?

"Professor Choi isn't like that at all." Hanbin murmurs. "She keeps track of me even across the world. It's as if she doesn't have enough to worry about, so she worries about her son, too."

"Did she tell you that Professor Lee is in London, too?" I ask. Hanbin is the only person in the world I can truly commiserate with. He's the only one who understands what it's like to be a professor's child. He nods, focusing on his food. "Her university is holding a seminar on physicochemical whatever. He's a guest speaker."

"I heard." I can tell he's starting to get annoyed. It's hard for him to go a day without someone bringing up his mother, the great Professor Choi. I know what it's like to live in the shadow but sometimes it feels like Hanbin and I don't have much in common other than our parents. His gaze is lowered and I can feel him start to float away, somewhere I can't reach. Somewhere he can get away. "The other Professor Choi is there, too."