The Humanity Formula

Matrimony, Messes, and Malevolence

I pause at the floral covered doorway, taking in a sharp breath. The silk chiffon of my dress feels smooth against my skin. The waistband of my nylons squeezes uncomfortably against my waist.

My eyes search for him immediately, scanning the groom's side of the aisle wildly. A wave of relief crashes over my body when I see him, his body turned to look back at me. His lips quirk into a lopsided smile, his hair carefully gelled out of his face.

Slowly, and without looking away from him, I take my seat on the bride's side of the aisle.

"Hayi!" I turn as I hear my name called from behind, smiling in surprise as I see Bobby. Jisoo sits next to him, a triumphant smile on her relentlessly beautiful features. I give him a little wave of my hand, sinking back into my chair, hands gripping tightly onto its sides.

I glance over at Professor Choi, hating myself for thinking she looks like a villain in a period drama in her hanbok and ornately tied hair. Her eyes meet mine and she smiles. This is the end.

"The groom, enter!"

This is the end. I breathe in again, eyes fluttering shut as I try to steady myself.

My eyes open again as I hear the sound of the piano, at once full of melancholy and joy. Bobby keeps his own gaze on the ivory beneath his fingers. This is the end for him, too. I admire him, somewhere secretly and quietly within me, for having the strength I know I don't possess.

"The bride, enter!"

Chaerin looks beautiful but I already know this. I helped place the pearl comb in her hair, I smoothed the nonexistent wrinkles in her dress. She looks beautiful, but when I see the look in Seunghyun's face, I feel something that could never be put into words. There is love and need in his eyes. Not need in a cliched, sexual sense, but in the way a person needs oxygen. My heart clenches painfully.

Before I know it, the ceremony has ended and we're gathered together for pictures. First, I stand next to my dad and Chaerin, glowing in her white dress. Then, Professor Choi stands with Seunghyun, imperious like a statue in his tuxedo. The shutter flashes as I summon a smile, hoping that it reaches my eyes.

"And the rest of the family, please." My teeth clench as Hanbin walks up next to me smiling, boyish and easy.

His fingers reach out for mine, eyes facing forward to the camera. Our hands lace together, hidden by the skirt of my dress as the camera flash flash flashes.

"You're so beautiful." His breath tickles my ear as he leans down for just a second, and he's turned back to the photographer before I can realize.

I look at him in a daze, his lips are curled into a satisfied smirk.

Flash.

Professor Choi's eyes meet mine.

Flash.

Hanbin releases my hand as the photographer asks for pictures of just the bride and groom. I follow Hanbin as he walks out of the reception hall, keeping my distance, as if it makes anything less suspicious that we've both disappeared. He moves through corridors, dodges towering floral wreaths, and weaves his way past another wedding party. And then, he's out of sight. Lost in a sea of men in black suits.

"Hanbin?" I whisper, an irrational part of my brain wondering if he'll ever come back.

I feel a tug on my wrist and then I'm leaning against a wall, the marble cool against my skin exposed by the powder blue dress.

I let out a startled giggled as his nose tickles against my skin, his hands pressing my body firmly against him. His lips meet mine and I can feel him smiling. He says my name in between kisses, the syllables rolling off his tongue like a mantra.