The Humanity Formula

Cards, Crashes, and Cigarettes

"I'm fine sleeping on the floor." I tell him again, but Hanbin ignores me.

"This is clean bedding." Hanbin says as he tucks the sheet into the mattress corner with the expertise of a child left home alone too many times. I tried to help make the bed but he wouldn't let me. I watch as he shakes out the comforter before laying it over the bed, again tucking in the corners with such care. "Professor Choi bought this for you last year. It's pink."

It is pink. Very pink.

"Thanks Hanbin." I concede with a sigh, stepping over the folded futon to sit on the bed. I watch him unfold it and create a blanket cocoon for himself. I'm reminded of watching a dog settle into its bed.

"It's weird my parents are letting us have a sleepover." He remarks, peeking from out of his blanket cocoon as I settle myself into the bed. "It's weirder that you have no problem sleeping in my bed."

"Well, when you word it like that..." I murmur, turning to look down at him on the floor. "Do you have a problem with it?"

"No." He shakes his head. I can only see his eyes and ruffled hair. And his one foot peeking out from the bottom of the blanket.

As babies we even bathed together and took naps in the sun, our heads facing together. Neither of us mentions it.

"Good." I tease him, reaching over the edge of the bed to hit him. He pushes my hand off and I fall back laughing. "You wouldn't even be alive if my mom hadn't introduced your parents to each other."

"Why do you always bring that up so proudly as if it's something you did?" Hanbin grumbles, his voice muffled under the comforter. "Hey, what do girls usually do at sleepovers? Is it like in the movies?"

"Why are you asking that?" I snort, looking up at the holes in the ceiling where Hanbin had thrown pencils and pens. "I guess we do makeup, eat snacks, watch movies... Talk about crushes. We already ate snacks and put on moisturizer so I guess that's close."

"Ah, so it's nothing special." He answers simply, not saying anything more.

I turn back over in bed, making myself comfortable again. I pull the comforter snugly over my chest, wiggling until my head is situated perfectly on the pillow. My eyes slowly flutter shut and I can feel the familiar chemical drowsiness setting in.

"Are you asleep?" Hanbin quietly asks after a while.

I shake my head but I'm not sure if he sees from his futon on the floor.

"No." I tell him out loud, gripping the pink blanket lightly in my hands.

"Hayi, is there anyone you have a crush on?"

I debate answering him or not, the word crush sounding too silly.

But it is silly. The way I feel about Bobby is silly and childish and it doesn't make sense.

"Yes." I answer in a whisper, as if afraid if my voice is too loud the whole world will hear. "But it's a secret."

"Me, too." Hanbin whispers back, his voice deep and accented with a small yawn.

"Who is it?" I ask after a moment, a part of me hoping that if I could distract Hanbin he wouldn't care about Bobby anymore. "Do I know her?"

"It's a secret." He responds mockingly but for some I feel like if I were to peek over at him, he wouldn't be smiling.

"Why are you asking about stuff like that anyway?" I ask, confused and slightly annoyed.

"It's a sleepover." He says innocently.