I thought I was over this part of my life.
I thought I moved on and I thought I could be happy and I thought I was okay with myself and my body and features and actions but I'm okay; I'm not okay with how I look and what I say and I'm not okay with what I wear or how I sound or move or even how I feel.
It still feels like I'm under the weight of a thousand worlds. It still feels like I'm stuck in a pool of water but no matter where I swim I can not reach the surface. It still feels like my lungs are closing up on me and my heart is disconnected from my brain and it still feels like I should be bleeding yet I am bleeding so much that my vision is growing hazy and the entire room is spinning almost as fast as the thoughts that form a noose around my neck. And I can't seem to get rid of the feeling that I'm dying and maybe it's because I am dying. A little bit. Each day.
It hurts to see life go on without you. It hurts to see people forget your name, your birthday, your phone number, your existance. It hurts to see family members fight and it hurts to have them blame and attack you whenever you step in to resolve conflict. It hurts too see your friends replace you as if you were nothing at all. It hurts to look in a mirror and like literally nothing about yourself and it hurts to not want to be alive. It hurts. It hurts like the scars on my arms and legs and torso do whenever they feel the hot water of the shower or the rough feeling of your touch - well, they ached when you touched me, but you don't touch me anymore. You don't even look me in the eyes when we pass in the halls. You avoid me like I'm an open flame and you aren't looking to get burned. You avoid me like I'm some kind of plague that will shrivel your skin and melt away your gorgeous eyes and I'm sick of having you hide from me because I miss you. I'm stupid for missing you, or her, or him, or any of them, but I miss hearing each of your laughs. And it hurts to know I'll never hear them, or even my own, again.
YOU ARE READING
Acidic Waters
PoetryAll this is is a collection of poetry and prose I have written throughtout my life as your everyday human being. Some are completed and edited, whilst others will remain raw permentally. Feel free to leave any feedback you have and I hope you enjoy...
