DOUBT

Chapter 11 - People Come Back.

People Come Back.

Wood-panel walls that once had been covered with happy memories are now congested with sad whispers of people who weren't a part of this bitter reality that had filled our home completely.

Giving their condolences to the person who has lost the most but there is no point, apathetic humans do not understand emotional sympathy, they are the walking dead, and by now he is one of them yet no one can blame him for being one.

He has always been so close to mom. She was the only source of little light he had in his eclipsed world. I never imagined Pamir would cry because he has always been logical over emotions, but I have seen him grow more sensitive with time and I have no idea how is he coping with all of the emotions at once.

The whole time Pamir was seated near the stairs, on the floor but never for once did he try to go closer to mom's body. He does not say anything or reacts to what others have to say. Their temporary sympathies mean nothing to his eternal pain. Death is unexpected they say, but it still has a single pattern, the pattern of leaving behind defective people. These people are unfixable because their loved ones have taken a piece of them, which cannot be replaced. It's like a big chunk of a hole that is infinite in its depth.

I am afraid that he will lose himself this way. Mom never wanted this for him; she wanted him to be happy, to go and conquer the world on his own terms, and not forget who he is or put himself down, to stay healthy and strong but since the day mom left nothing mattered. None of the wishes that mom wished for Pamir seems to value now. The silence is what he has chosen over the lights that she left behind.

In all honesty, it's understandable.

It's hard for Pamir to stand on a road where there is no going back when even I know how much he wants to relive in that one peaceful moment where mom beamed at him patting his head. I know he wants to undo everything only to rewrite the destinies in ways where it hurts less, but the thing with not having a choice is we have no-say-so in how someone lives or dies. Simply, it's out of our hands, and that reality puts us on the rough spot because it's then when we realize the power is not in our hands, it never was.

"Ezzah?" I snap out of daze on the voice that called me, mama.

"Mama." She comes and stands beside me, awkwardly patting my back. The more I see my own mother, the more I miss mom's warmth.

"How are you?" My eyes dart towards Pamir on this question. He was still seated on the ground. It feels like I do not deserve to be worried over when I see his wounds. I do not need a shoulder to lean on, Pamir does.

"He is the one you should be asking this." I pointed at Pamir without even taking my eyes off him. She places her hand over my crown, and I turn away in irritation, which causes me to notice dad while mama leaves to meet Pamir.

He walks towards me with a small smile and apologetic eyes. I move ahead and let dad hug me. I glance at Pamir as he looks up with un-shredded tears in his eyes. Mama places her hand over his head and hugs him as he finally stands up on his feet. I keep glancing in their direction, as dad and I stand silently beside each other. Mama keeps him to an arm's length, examining him overall. I could hear what they are saying.

"Everything will be okay, don't worry." She uttered, and I hope so bad that it does.

"She won't come back." He oddly spoke with his red eyes and a blank expression masked his face.

Mama was about to say something, but dad puts his hand over the back of my head and pulls me to his chest. I wrap my hands around him and let out a weak breath. It felt like I was not breathing for ages.