b l u r r y - yugkook

일곱.*

Chapters with an * means there could be some triggering stuff, if you don't want to read it message me and I'll tell you basically what happened.

jungkook.

He couldn't wrap his head around how he could be that idiotic. The self-loathing that he was currently experiencing was some of the worst that he has ever experienced, why couldn't he just do one thing right? It was raining inside his head, pouring, bad thoughts and self hate filling his brain with no foreseeable end.

His mind kept going over what had happened minutes before again and again, like an annoying ad on repeat that wouldn't ever stop. He had told himself that the next time he saw Yugyeom he would tell him what happened, but he wasn't prepared to do that at one-am in a convenience store. He should've just said to Yugyeom that he needed to talk, and gotten his number or something so they could do it over the phone, but no, Jungkook just had to stutter and ask for another candy bar, even though he didn't really need it. Yugyeom did look cute though, in his white jeans and pink sweater, a severe but stunning contrast to what Jungkook was used to seeing the taller in, all black, tight, and leather clothing. Although the younger did look remarkable, the thought of him alone wasn't enough to keep the worse thoughts and self hate away.

He slid down onto the floor of his apartment, hands pulling at his hair, scratching at his wrists, flooded with thoughts that are dragging him down. He was so egotistical, not telling Yugyeom when he had the chance to. He was so inconsiderate, not even imagining what the other must have been feeling in that situation. He wasn't even who he claimed to be, to everyone except Jimin, he was cocky and fun to be around and confident, everything that he wanted to be, but wasn't. He was the opposite, and all of these people who talked to him and thought that they were friends, all the people that thought they knew the real him, were being lied to every single day, right to their face, without their knowledge, and Jungkook knows how unfair that is, but there isn't much he can do about it. Even if he wanted to be the actual him, he couldn't, because people would ask questions, and he would have to admit that he's been lying to everyone about everything, and he mentally couldn't handle that.

He somehow found his way to the bathroom, not quite sure when he decided to get up from is pitiful spot on the floor. But here he was, on the floor of the bathroom, leaning over the bathtub with silent tears streaming down his face. He made the mistake of glancing over at the mirror that was attached to the cabinet hung above the sink, and saw himself, in a pile on the floor, for who he believed he truly was, sad, disgusting, selfish, anxiety ridden, everything that he didn't want to be. His wrists itched, and he viciously scratched them, but it wasn't enough, never enough. He slid over to the sink, and weakly pulled himself up with the help of the countertop. He was thinking about how weak he is, how pitiful, and how nobody liked him for the real him, and how all he wanted was escape. He opened the cabinet, feeling a slight jerk in his arm when he finally got it open. He pulled out the blade and shut the cabinet, sinking back to the floor and sliding back over to the bathtub. He cut into his wrist once, twice, three times, deeper and deeper until it was too deep, and then he gave the same treatment to the other wrist, hopelessness carved into his skin.

He began to feel lightheaded, too lightheaded, and his vision started to blur slightly, the lights becoming blurry instead of their usual, crisp form. It was then when he realized, he didn't want this. If he did this now, Yugyeom would never find out what happened that night, and this thought made him stop doing what he was doing, and shake his head to clear his vision slightly. He didn't want this. Placing his hands on the side of the bathtub, wrists long numb from his previous action, he straightened his arms, trying to push himself up with help from the rim of the bathtub. Suddenly, his arms gave out and he let out a cry, realizing that he was going to die here if someone didn't find him, soon. But who would find him? He had the dorm to himself, and there wasn't anyone that came into his room often. He turned over, trying to shake the blackness that was taking over his vision, when he felt his phone that was sitting in his pocket, poke into his hip. Jimin. Jimin would help him, right?

He dialed Jimin's number, putting the phone on speakerphone, cause now that the numbness had left, every single movement hurt.

"Hey Jungkook! Whats-"

"Jimin, it's bad. It's really bad."

"I will be right there Jungkook, don't hang up, talk to me."

"I-it's really b-bad this t-time J-Jimin"

"Okay, I'm on my way, don't try to move or anything, just keep talking, I'll be right there"

"O-okay J-Jimin, d-don't take me t-to the h-hosptial, o-okay?

"I might have to Jungkoo-"
He was cut off by the sound of Jungkook sobbing, cries of protest amongst incomprehensible words, fighting the idea of going to the hospital with all of the strength left in his small body.

"H-hyung... p-please don't-t make m-me g-go"

Jungkook knew that he needed to go to the hospital, he was bleeding everywhere, and his vision was nearly completely black, but the mere thought of anyone else finding out what he had done to himself was terrifying. If he went to the hospital, he wouldn't be able to go to school, word would get around about where he was. He would probably get admitted to some kind of rehab program for attempted suicide, and it would cause so much trouble that Jungkook knew he wasn't strong enough to deal with. And after hearing Jungkook's cries of protest, Jimin knew that there was no was he could force Jungkook to go. If he was protesting it that much, there was probably a good reason, or maybe there wasn't, but Jimin couldn't stand to hear his friend so scared and in so much pain.

"A-are you almost-t h-here?"

"Yes, I'm walking down your hallway right now, hold on just a few seconds longer"

In the thrity-three seconds that it took Jimin to reach Jungkook, the younger realised something groundbreaking.

He was living for, and because of,

Yugyeom.

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Word Count: 1123.