Miss World Or Miss Akhirah?✔

Chapter 30 : B-R-O-K-E-N (2)

As the last tear dropped I remembered they were coming tomorrow and a set of fresh tears appeared again.

I cried for the entire afternoon that day. I cried for my past sins which caused this. I cried for Mukhlis who is no more there. I cried for Rukkaya who loved her fiancée more than her sister. I cried for my parents who didn't trust me anymore. I cried because I knew I didn't deserve their trust. I cried for this generation and the next generations to come where most sins were not considered as sins.

After I prayed subhi, I took my qur'an to read but I couldn't concentrate. My mind was preoccupied with a number of depressing thoughts. One of them being how my family's visit was would turn out. I closed the holy book and laid it on the bedside table. It was 5:30, they were coming in about 6 hours. I couldn't sleep a wink. At 9, I took my bath and went out to greet Kakani. I kept chewing my fingers and pacing up and down. It felt like minutes when I heard the familiar horn of our car. They were here.

Even though it was only two weeks, it felt like I haven't seen them in years. I peeped through the door as my parents and siblings made their way to the entrance. Kakani was standing there ready to welcome them. As they came closer I noticed Hussain's hair had grown while Hassan had shaved his' in a modern style. How Mama allowed him to shave his hair like that was beyond me. Both of them looked more handsome and taller as they walked into Kakani's room. They had to bend their head as the cikin gari mud houses had small doors.

Rukkaya's face was glowing. I guessed she had already started the gyaran jiki. My eyes felt on my beloved parents. I examined Baba and noticed something was missing from his face, I wondered what it was. I couldn't put my finger on it. He looked different, I noticed the length of his beard had shrunk. But apart from that something else was different. Then it donned on me. His smile, his perfect warm affectionate smile was nowhere to be found. The one that was always on his face when he sees his little baby girl, when he sees me. Mama's face was pale and there were bags under her eyes. She looked almost as bad as I did. O Allah! What have I done? And how I missed my family.

I couldn't make my legs walk to Kakani's living room where my family was. After peeping through the door for thirty minutes, I decided it was time. I took my black veil and walked to the room with my heart very heavy.

Baba was sitting on the carpet close to Kakani. Mama and Rukkaya were sitting on the couch together with Kakani while the twins were sitting opposite them. I said Hi to the twins first. Hassan looked up from his phone and gave me a small smile while Hussain just nodded. I squatted next to Baba and said, "Sannuku Baba, Barka da rana,"

"Yawwa" he answered without even looking at me. I waited for him to say something else but nothing came. I expected something like 'lafiya qalau babyta or er auta ta. Ya kike? Ya karatu. Exams din de suna sauki koh'. I heard nothing, so I swallowed the lump in my throat and went to the next person. Immediately Rukkaya saw me she hissed and brought her phone out pretending to be using it. I moved to Mama and greeted as well "Ina wuni Mama," She pretended as if she didn't hear anything as she walked out of the room. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran back to my room and cried. I cried myself back to sleep.

I woke up around magrib with a headache and stomachache. I hadn't eaten anything for the whole day. I folded my legs on top of the bed and remembering the weeks' event, tears started welling up in my eyes again.

How could they?

How could they not trust me?

How could they not believe me?

I told them it was in the past I had now changed but none of them believed me.

What's the use?

What's the use of being a good muslim if your mother won't believe you are one. It hurt. It really hurt to think your parents see you as a 'mara tarbiya'. I tried. I tried my best to change, to please Allah, to be better. It wasn't easy. It wasn't easy changing from a Miss World; The Queen Bee, The Most Popular Girl in school, a girl who gets anything she wants, has boys running over her feet, dresses to impress the whole school to a Miss Akirah;The girl that strives hard for Jannah, the one that tries her best to do her Hijab properly , the one that makes sure she does her prayers at the correct time, the one that wants to please her Allah . And after months I started to achieve what I wanted and started to be used to it, and they just had to ruin everything by thinking I was still the old me.