Fresh Start (Be More Chill/Dear Evan Hansen) (Boyf riends)

Worthless (Chapter 8)

(Michael is still taller than Jeremy, like in the actual musical, btw. Only by about an inch, though.)

(TW: Self-deprivation, bad self language)
(But also fluff!!)

Three days later...

Jeremy's POV

I'm sitting in my room, curled up in a ball in the corner. Hugging my knees, hiding my face.

"Everything about you is so terrible..."

"Everything about me is so terrible..." I murmur to myself.

"Everything about you makes me wanna die..."

"Everything about me makes you wanna die..." I choke out, hot tears starting to roll down my face. The squip keeps repeating terrible things in my head.. over and over...

"Terrible..."

"Worthless..."

"Disgusting..."

"Faggot..."

"Waste of space-"

There is a knock at my bedroom door, to which I ignore. Tears are streaming down my cheeks at this point, making them red and raw. I rock back and fourth on the floor, my face buried in my knees.

The knocking gets louder. I can feel the pressure from crying blowing up inside my head as the knocking turned into banging against the door. I continue to ignore it, and the person eventually just kicks my door open, completely busting the lock. The door is somehow still in tact, as they slam it shut.

They run over to me, and I see a flash of red fabric. I immediately know the person is Michael. He wraps me in a hug, and the squip continues to spew bullshit into my head.

"Worthless! Die! Idiot! Faggot! Why does Michael like you!? You will never find love! Die! Die! Die! Worthless! Ugly! Disgusting! Terrible! Faggot! Faggot! Disgusting!"

I have enough. "SHUT UP!" I scream, tears getting caught in the back of my throat. I break down, sobbing and hiccuping into Michael's shoulder, as he rubs my back in small circles, comforting me. I can tell he is startled, as he is slightly tense. But, after a moment, he loosens up.

"It's okay, Jeremy.. I'm here. It's okay..." He whispers to me, as I'm wrapped in his arms. I do not answer, not having the stretch to, and just keep sobbing. The squip is deactivated, for now.

We stay silent like this for about twenty-five minutes, until I eventually speak up. "I-I-I'm so-orry..." I whisper, my voice quivering, and raspy. "Hey, it's not your fault.. it's okay..." Michael hushes, and I slightly pull away. He grabs the bottom of my chin softly, turning it up, making me look at him.

"You are okay... we will get you through this, alright?" He reassures. I sniffle, and nod. I suddenly feel a wave of exhaustion, and rub my eyes tiredly. Michael chuckles softly, "you tired?" I nod slightly once again.

I am suddenly picked up. "You are a lot lighter than I remember.." Michael says. I hear the slight confused, and concerned tone in his voice. I just bury my face in his chest, not answering.

Michael sets me on my bed, and covers me with my blue and grey comforter. I cuddle into it, and right as Michael is about to step away from the bed, and to the door, I mumble, "..don't leave.."

Michael turns around, smiling softly. He chuckles a bit, humming knowingly, and walks back over to the bed. He lays down beside me, wrapping his arms around me, in a slightly spooning position.

I slowly start fall asleep, my eyes getting heavier and heavier the more I wait. Eventually, I fall asleep, the sound of Michael's soft breathing relaxing my mind and body, to a point that the squip is too weak to harm me in any way for that moment.