The Anima [completed]

4.

*warning: images of suicide ahead*

4.

I had remained quiet through the night as the two men confidently walked ahead of me. No matter how tempted I was to turn back and run, I knew I could not. My love for my family was too great; I could not put them in danger. So as the moon rose higher and my feet began to bleed onto the sharp undergrowth, I dared not utter a word. But as the trees grew dense, and darkness clung to the bushes making them appear like figures watching over me, fears tight and unrelenting fingers began to squeeze around my heart. The thoughts clouding my brain darkened and all I could think about was that I was probably being taken to an underground rape circle. It was then I realised my inevitable fate, which lay in the hands of the two men who had taken me from my home.

As much as I feared my own death, I would not die at the hands of an abusive man. I pretended to stub my toe on the next rock that came across my path; clutching my toe and swearing under my breath. One of the men glanced my way, only to roll his eyes and tell me to stand up. With his back turned, I quickly scooped up a thick stick into my palm and let go of my foot. It was dark, but I could tell it was strong enough as I squeezed it into my palm.

It was strange, the sensation that overcame me. My life did not flash before my eyes, nor did I remember my happiest memories. Instead, I only thought of the day I had attempted something like this following Lucas' disappearance. It was a Monday and the sun was shining to bright. It was as if the outside world wished to deceive me, to make me believe things were better than what they were. My best friend was gone, my parents ignored me, and I blamed only one person; myself. I had sharpened my school scissors; I had planned to drive it into my arm. But before I could do so, my sister called out my name and asked if I wished to go to the movies. It wasn't divine intervention, but it was a reason for me to let go of my selfishness and think of someone else. Looking back, I truly had no real reason at all to leave my life, my family.

But walking behind those strange and uncanny men to a wretched fate, my hands had already made their decision. My fingers trembled with a deep unconscious desire to meet the darkness that blanketed my soul.

I drove the stick into my jugular.

Blood gushed from between my fingers, trailing down my neck and onto my chest. It collected in the hollow of my collarbone as I gasped for breath, warming my cold skin. The two men turned to me, wide-eyed and frantic as they rushed towards me. I felt hands on my neck, a futile attempt to stop the blood from gushing from the large hole where the stick had once been. I smiled, my eyes drooping, and began to chuckle. They would never get what they wanted from me, and they would not attack my family if I were dead. I fell happily into the darkness, watching the dark eyed man call out in horror as I slipped from his grasp and into nothing.

I woke to subtle warmth on my back that only the summer sun could bring. For a moment, I believed I had passed on and gone to what humans call 'heaven'. But I was an atheist, so I only awoke to the harsh reality that I had not succeeded in my quest for death.

How unfortunate.

My breathing hitched, there was a sharp pain in my neck, and I tried to pry my eyes open. I was extremely uncomfortable, laying on what seemed to be a pile of leaves and sticks, my head bent at an awkward angle. My limbs felt stiff and awkward, like someone had injected cement into my veins and it had hardened when I slept.

Just as my eyes began to peep open, I heard the voices of my captors.

"How could you let it come to this?" One of them shouted. I saw this figure pace by a circle of large rocks.

"I didn't realise she was going to do that! How could I have known?" Lucius shouted back, waving his arms about his head like the air dancer balloons outside car dealerships.