hands (professor lupin)✔️

Chapter Eight || Playing By The Rules

    Remus Lupin was the sort of man who didn't like to talk about himself. He would ask you questions about yourself - not out of curiosity or mere politeness, but because he was genuinely interested and wanted to get to know you better. He remembered every little thing I told him, every name, every circumstance. He laughed till the tears came at the funny stories I made up and listened gravely whenever I had something sad to relate. There was a kind of bond between us that I felt was growing even though I knew nor he nor I would acknowledge that bond. I did not know what he thought or felt about me, although there was some kind of attraction - but whether it was to me as a promising student, a friend, or anything else, I couldn't know. And I didn't even ask myself that anymore. I knew what it was like when a man didn't seem to pay any attention to you and then, out of the blue, he was suddenly passionate about you and the next thing you knew, your world fell down and he was gone - gone forever. But Lupin made no secret of his interest in me, which was how I managed to get used to the thought that he didn't love me. Oddly enough, I felt I could live with that. Sometimes the pain was unbearable - I wondered if he had anyone, or if he was actually married - but as I said, he never talked about himself. Somehow I got the impression that he was a recluse, just like me - he didn't speak much to the other teachers, apparently and most of the time he would sit alone in his study, reading - or go for walks. But now that I'd arrived, we'd go together.

In fact, I spent most of my spare time with Lupin. Schoolwork was piling up and most of the time I couldn't even go and have a decent meal, let alone go for walks. Yet, at least two times a week, he and I would put our coats on and go wander about the grounds, until we were at the fringes of the Old Forest or even further, to Hogsmeade - and no one was there to stop us.

Soon, talks of my "relationship" with Lupin began to spread. I didn't speak to the other students a lot, but I did see some strange glances when we passed other people by. Several times we ran into Professor Snape, who made a remark about Lupin spending more time with his ward than he did with his precious books.

I remember Lupin smiling at him amicably and pushing me gently in front of him.

- As you say, Severus. Maybe it's time I finally grew up and started talking to people more.

Snape and Lupin had known each other since they were school boys, like Lupin had told me. Back then, he was called Moony by his friends - don't ask why, he said - and he was part of a group that wasn't on good terms with Snape. I wondered what kind of pranks they pulled on each other, but he seldom spoke of that. In fact, one had to get him really relaxed or tired before he would start talking about the Marauders, as they had been called.

- We even designed a special map where you could see who was in the castle and who wasn't.

- Where is this map now?

- I have no idea. I think someone stole it from us. Must be still in the castle, I guess.

Lupin was sitting in his armchair next to the fireplace in his study. I was sitting in the other armchair, my eyes looking into the fire, my hands holding the book I'd borrowed from him.

- You seem far away, Lennie, - he said gently.

I looked up at him and smiled. The fire made his pale face look redder and his eyes darker. There was a sort of mysteriousness to him now.

- I'm not, I'm not, I'm right here, - I answered.

He smiled at me, holding my gaze for some time before finally rising and walking over to one of the moonlit windows, his silhouette sharp against the pale light.

- I feel like I'm boring you with all of this - he waved a hand in front of himself.

- Well, you're not.