Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
12/26/16
I DON'T STAY at the Hasting's house Christmas night. I don't even stay for the rest of the party. After Grayson finds me crying my eyes out in the hallway she guides me upstairs and helps me grab a few of my belongings before leaving with me, and driving me to her house. Away from the house that has felt more like a home to me in the past few weeks than anywhere else. Away from Chase, away from Clayton, away from their family who definitely hates me now.
The entire drive is silent as questions hang in the air between my best friend and me. Grayson leads me into her house, the familiarity of the beach house helps to calm the storm inside me as I follow her to her room. I hastily strip of the gorgeous dress that is now ruined for me. Strip off the delicate jewelry that adorns my body. Strip off the makeup that painted me as someone I'm obviously not. Strip away the night that irrevocably scared my heart.
Now in a pair of shorts and an oversized T-shirt I let myself cower under the many sheets and blankets tossed across Grayson's cushy bed. I let myself sink into the soft mattress and soothe my aching chest. I let tears flow freely from their confined cages, and sobs shake my curled up body.
I quickly dose off letting the tears lull me to sleep like restless ocean waves.
My eyes flutter open with what feels like only minutes have passed, but I know it's later because the sun is beginning to peek through the still waters that reflect off the doors that lead into Grayson's room. I quietly let myself admire the ocean secretly always loving that her room lead straight out to the beach.
I want to stay in this single moment forever. Pretend what happened last night was a bad dream. That my best friend doesn't hate me. That the man I love didn't call me a mistake. That I didn't cry myself to sleep. In this moment I realize how easy it would be to turn it all off and fall back into my old habits. How easy it would be to push everything away and act like I'm okay. When truthfully on the inside I feel as if I'm left with the aftermath of a hurricane. Destruction. Loss. Abandoned.
I slowly turn my body to find the space on the bed next to me empty. My bare feet hit the cool hardwood floor as I rub at my eyes to help wake myself up. I feel heavy and restless and completely empty all at the same time. The memories of the night before hit me hard and the jolt of pain that hits my heart is so overwhelming it almost takes my breath away. I want to cry for Chase. I want to break for Clayton. But instead I stand from the bed and make my way out of Grayson's room in search of my best friend. In search of her wisdom and comfort. As I make my way towards the kitchen I come to a complete halt once I hear her voice, hiding myself slightly behind the corner.
"I don't think you should come over here right now...." I hear my best friend trail hesitantly. Even though I can't see her face I can picture the worry etched into her delicate features.
I can't hear the voice on the other end, but my guess is it's Cale and he has heard from his family about my actions. I cringe at the idea of what happened being twisted and turned into another version of me being loose. A slut. Someone who hooks up with anyone who is willing to make me forget. But that is all so far from the truth. Clayton doesn't make me forget, he makes me remember. Makes me feel alive.
