the donut dialer [ongoing]

20: ❝i don't wanna get married!❞

❝i don't wanna get married!❞

lorelei┃parker

❁ ❁ ❁

april 21st, 3:34 p.m.
brrring. brrring.

✆ call accepted ✆

"parker, what is going on?"

"what do you mean?"

"vanessa's been acting really happy lately and it's creeping me out."

"it's creepy for someone to be happy...?"

"with vanessa, it is. usually, she only gets happy when food is around. i tried getting her to tell me what happened, but she just stands there and smiles at me like she knows something i don't."

"could it be a boy? a love interest?"

"ha. vanessa doesn't do love. she would tell me if anyone caught her eye."

"hmm... perhaps she's planning something."

"like what?"

"if my calculations are correct, you are turning 18 in three weeks."

"oh."

"yeah, oh. she's probably planning something for your birthday."

"how did you know my birthday?"

"i have my sources."

"i need answers."

"well, what do you want to know?"

"first of all, what did you really mean when you said 'i've seen you almost my entire life' ?"

"that's a story for another time, peaches."

"i feel so conflicted. and stressed. why won't you just tell me?"

"you're not going to like all the answers you get."

"maybe not. but it's better than keeping it from me."

"no can do, peaches. it's confidential information."

"what the flippity flop is going on?"

"muahahaha."

"you're purposefully tormenting me for your own satisfaction. how sadistic."

"only for you, babe."

"one more question, why do you call me babe?"

"because you're a babe."

"but usually couples refer to one another as babe."

"so?"

"we aren't a couple."

"not yet."

"are you saying it's possible?"

"are you saying you want us to be?"

"are you inferring you want us to?"

"... we aren't already?"

"park! last time i checked, i haven't gotten asked out by anyone in two years. wow, that's actually really sad."

"james says that we already sound like an old married couple when we bicker, ha-ha."

"... it's kind of true."

"are you saying you want us to get married?"

"i don't wanna get married!"

"what if you were married to me?"

"ew, as if!"

"i got that Clueless reference."

"you've watched Clueless?"

"that's besides the point. you want to get married, you said?"

"for the five-hundredth-trillionth time, NO!"

"sigh... she's swimming in denial river again."

"that's it. i'm hanging up."

"peaches, noooo!"

"ugh, what do you want from me?"

"your heart."

"and i thought the era of cheesy one liners were over."

"it's never over with you and i, peaches."

"huh. parker, are you russian?"

"noo—"

"'cuz you're russian my heart rate right now."

"smooth, babe, but not as smooth as me. i am unbeatable."

"don't call me babe. and yes, i'm smoother than you."

"what are you going to do about it, babe?"

"ugh! alright, babe, i can play that game too."

"... sorry to end the call, but i gotta go real quick."

"okay, bye, spider-man babe."

"goodbye, peachy babe."

* b e e p  b e e p *

✆ call ended ✆