Unspoken ( A Legolas Love Story )

25: Diminished

After Legolas had been summarily dismissed by Wren, following the almost deadly encounter in the forest, he was left feeling bewildered and confused. She clearly blamed him for his mistake in prematurely shooting that orc. His lack of control had risked her life and left her with a significant injury. Legolas returned to his cabin, deeply wounded by the contempt in her voice. The elf prince tried to draw back his sense of calm and reason, but he felt lost.

In the days that followed, he found himself staring at Wren whenever she left her cabin, willing a conversation to put their disagreement behind them. But she did not engage him. If anything, she pushed him away with a growing sense of disregard. It penetrated Legolas's soul, and began to eat away at his mind. When Strider suggested they head out beyond the North Downs, it felt like sweet respite for the elf prince. At least he could escape and find solitude in thoughts. Nevertheless, Legolas was mistaken.

Out on the North Downs, Wren's laughter still rang in his ears, although as the days and weeks that passed, it grew gradually softer. As the Rangers scoured the terrain, often silently, in single file or spread out across the barren landscape, Legolas was occasionally overcome by memories of the closeness and intimacy that he had so naturally shared with Wren. The recollection of Wren's twinkling eyes, was replaced by the lingering coldness that he had last seen in them. He recalled the moment he had briefly held her hand, as he had casually helped her up from a fall while they were training; his long fingers flexed again at the fading memory of her soft skin and warmth. And he remembered the last time he had touched her, when he had lifted her up from the orc, on that fateful day. He had felt her fragility then, and the subsequent, crushing fear of losing her.

Legolas wrestled with his thoughts and his inability, yet again, to acknowledge and act on his feelings. Perhaps he had not let himself care for Wren, not allowed himself to love her sooner, because of the uncertainty of her immortality. Maybe her elven impurity and young age had impeded his heart. He cursed himself and his vulnerability. Legolas knew that in the past, he would have despised an elf in his position. Previously he would have questioned, how an elf, who had gained the wisdom of many minds, and lived the lifetimes of a hundred men, could conceivably fall in love with a human. How could an elf find any equivalence in the mind of a mere mortal, how could there be any hope of prolonged affection or companionship?  Legolas realized now how much he had changed, in this passage of time, almost year away from his own people, immersed in the lives of the Dúnedain and their culture. He could never have envisaged the newfound warmth and respect he would have for men, after a lifetime of indoctrinated indifference, bordering on disdain .

Accordingly, as Legolas contemplated Wren's corrupted lineage and likely mortality, he realized that it was no longer of any consequence to him. He now knew that her quick, quiet, deft movements were all due to the elven blood she had running through her. But he recognized that the best part of her, was human. Her joy, her wit and her unbridled passion for life. That was the part he cherished, the part that made him feel alive. The desire and hunger for her presence consumed him. Legolas realized that he no longer cared for his previously-held, sanctimonious assertions regarding men and their worth. He had found his equal. The elf prince now truly believed that to be loved in return by that wild, northern maiden, for but moment, would be worth an eternity without her.

But he knew that his belated contemplations and professions now meant nothing. In their last days together, Wren had made it very apparent, that she did not care for him. The bitter rejection was more than Legolas thought he could endure. Weeks in the wilderness passed, and Legolas gradually became more despondent and fixated on his tragic fate, to forever to love another, without hope of reciprocation. The lack of orcs to hunt, did not aide his state of mind. The Rangers encountered only a handful of orcs sporadically in their time away. Legolas only raised his bow once and even then, Asvard shot the orc before Legolas had loosed his arrow.

He ate and slept little, all the while growing colder. The memory of the night that they had innocently spent together, grew dim. For the first time in his life, Legolas felt the need for the warmth of a fire. The Rangers almost considered forgoing their turns to keep watch, because they knew that the elf stood all night gazing at the flames. But then they began to doubt Legolas's alertness, because the elf became so detached from them and their conversations.

Not detached enough however, to miss Beringil and Strider discussing him in low voices, one evening.

"Don't elves ever need to sleep?"

"Yes, at some point they need to rest," Strider responded, concerned.

But Legolas did not sleep. For short periods and infrequently, he did retreat to an elven slumber to rest. But he preferred not to, because there was no relief in it. Wren was always there. Occasionally he would see her smile as she bowed, mocking him, calling him 'elf lord', beckoning him to come. As he followed, she would disappear into the trees and try as he might, he could never find her. But more often than not, as he slumbered, he found himself holding her in his arms; bleeding from her throat, her brown eyes, pleading, burning a hole into his mind.

Strider came alongside him often, questioning him, trying to draw him out, but Legolas began to resent him. Just like he had resented that wretched dwarf, when he had encroached on Legolas's previous life in the Greenwood, capturing the heart of the one he loved then. He realized that his love for Tauriel, had been but a whisper of the passion and yearning he now felt for Wren. Tauriel's lowly birth status and his father's corresponding disapproval, had been all that was necessary to hold him back from speaking his heart. Conversely, Legolas now believed that he would cross the whole of Middle-Earth, if he discovered that Wren cared for him. He knew that the only thing that could hold back his heart from Wren, was herself.

The Rangers all around him grew gradually more perturbed and troubled by his behavior, as the elf withdrew further unto himself.

On his return to the village, Legolas avoided Wren. It was too painful to be in her presence without any hope.

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Arrrrrrgh, being in Legolas's head is worse than Wren's!!!!! I promise to put everyone out of their misery soon... after a bit more misery.... ;P

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