Teen Wolf Imagines

Beautiful Things || Theo Raeken x Reader

Requested on Tumblr: Would you do an imagine about depression w theo? Idk if you're comfortable with that and if not it's completely okay, but I figured I'd ask cause I feel kind shitty. And also like...if you do it, maybe add just dehydration and the reader being reminded to drink cause it makes it worse? Idk you can ignore this dude, sorry, and keep doing you
A/N: The song Beautiful Things by Grayscale is where I went with this and I don't mind writing mental illness so long as it's one I have.  Here you can find a list of help hotlines: http://theo-stilinski.tumblr.com/post/167515661857/dont-ever-hesitate-reblog-this-tumblr-rule
Warnings: Depression, anxiety, self-doubt, fluff (kind of??)

It's the middle of the night and you're sitting in your living room, still in pajamas and wrapped in your blankets. If you were being honest, you couldn't tell exactly how long you had been laying there. You knew it had awhile given you started season one of Friends when you entered your living room and you were already on the season finale. The day was just a giant blur, numb and boring. Yet, you found yourself not bothering to even try to change it. You knew if you tried, you would feel better but trying in and of itself was just not happening. The mere thought made you want to take a nap.

However, you were pulled away from watching Friends when your door creaked open and then shut seconds later. You only moved your glance when a shadow was cast over you but you didn't actually move. Theo sat at the end of the couch and stared at you, waiting for you to look at him and when you did, he didn't look pleased.

"Bad again?" He asks with the slight raise of his brows. You looked back to the TV, knowing he could smell the mental illness radiating from you. It was a blessing and a curse. You never had say it, he just knew. It removed the awkwardness of having the 'hey I have depression and no I'm not gonna just off myself one day' talk. "Alright." Theo sighs and gets back up, only to return a minute later with a glass of water. "Here." Theo hands you the glass that's decorated with Disney characters. "You have to drink water. You know dehydration only makes it worse."

"I know." You mumble, sitting up slightly to take a drink.

"When was the last time you ate?" He kneels on the floor in front of you, taking the glass from your hand when you were done taking your sips.

You move your eyes, as if trying to look in the back of your head for any memory of eating that day but nothing came. "I think yesterday?"

"What do you think you ate yesterday?"

"I know I had crackers." You shrug awkwardly.

"Alright, well what do you want? You have to eat something, y/n."

"Whatever you'll have." You look away from Theo as shame starts to fill you.

"I'll go raid your kitchen and I'll be right back." Theo rests the glass on the stand next to you as he uses his knees to help him stand, placing a kiss on your forehead before exiting the room.

As you wait for his return, more thoughts creep into your head. Surely, he knows you haven't moved all day and come to think of it, you knew your hair was gross because you hadn't been able to shower in two days. Everything took too much energy and it was making you feel even worse. Full of guilt, full of shame, full of worry. It wasn't your fault the chemicals in your brain can't sort themselves out. It wasn't anyone's fault and yet you laid on the couch blaming yourself and allowing Theo to baby you on days like these. He didn't ask to be brought into a relationship with depression and anxiety and self-doubt. No one asks for that. It's hard and it sucks and people leave because of it. It is so unfair and, quite honestly, depressing.

And just like that, your heart sped up while your face turned warm and pale. Your hands clammed up and your throat ran dry. Your hands started to shake and the room started spinning. You quietly sat up with the turning of your stomach, just another chemical your brain can't seem to get right. You tried deep breaths as much as you could, trying to hide the anxiety attack you had caused yet again from overthinking before Theo could come back. But, you failed. Theo came back and immediately knew.

"Anxiety attack?" His brows furrow as he watches you. All you do is nod, completely incapable of speaking, partially from your throat being so try and from the thought of throwing up if you opened your mouth. "Okay, hey, in seven counts, hold four, out eight." Theo says, knowing the breathing technique that's essentially a system reboot. You start the breathing but Theo grabs your hands and makes you stand up. "Start walking and keep breathing. Watch your feet and I'll go back to the kitchen." Theo says and leaves you to your anxiety attack.

You pace back and forth, chewing on your thumbnail while doing the breathing technique. You block out the TV and the small sounds Theo was making in the kitchen. Your only focus was set on your feet and your breath. Within fifteen minutes, you were breathing normally, your muscles were tired but no longer shaking. The walls weren't moving and you had calmed your anxiety attack down. With a sigh, you walked to the kitchen, now even more exhausted than you were originally.

"Hey." You mumble, almost completely inaudible.

"You okay?" Theo looks away from the stove and makes eye contact with you, which you quickly avoid.

"Yeah." You shrug.

"What happened?"

"I'm sorry." You apologize, biting your lip.

"You apologize every time. You don't have to." Theo shrugs and stirs the pot of whatever he was making. You shrug again when he turns to face you, your face now red with embarrassment. "Come on, what's going on?"

"I just," You pause and slowly find your words. "Feel bad. I don't know." You shrug once more. "You didn't ask for this and I don't know. You're just good, I guess. With me and this and I just, I don't know."

"You afraid I'm gonna just up and leave one day?" Theo scoffs with his question.

"I wouldn't blame you." You state, finally looking at his perfectly blue eyes that held a tint of green. "I mean, hell, I would leave if I could, like leave myself."

Theo gives a chuckle and shakes his head. "It's hard. I'm not gonna lie to you and it fucking sucks. It sucks seeing you depressed and it sucks when you can't leave your bed or the couch and I want to take you out. It sucks when we have to leave places because you're having a panic or anxiety attack. It sucks." Theo states everything, laying everything out with honesty. "But, that doesn't change anything. I don't get it and yeah, y/n, I get frustrated sometimes but I just don't get why you can't do simple tasks sometimes but," Theo walks over to you and grips your shoulders. "I love you." He says, something he only ever said carefully. He showed love, rarely ever said it. The first time he said it, you both nearly went into cardiac arrest from the shock. "So, I'm not gonna leave because of that bullshit. And if I have to tell you every damn day," He shakes his head with the words. "I will. Everyday."

"Thanks." You nod, feeling just a tiny bit better.

But, that's it. It didn't magically cure you and Theo knew that. And it didn't magically remove your doubt and he knew that. But, he said it. It was out in the open and that's what mattered because now, you'd be able to think back on it and you'd have that to hold onto. It would mean more than the world when it got better because it always gets better.

A soft smile crosses Theo's face. "We're gonna eat some Mac & Cheese because that's the only thing I can cook and we're gonna watch Friends or whatever you have on and then later, you're gonna shower." He smirks, moving his hands to your face. "We'll eat some more, you're gonna keep drinking water and then tomorrow, I'll help you clean. Deal?"

"Deal." You give him a genuine smile knowing that showering alone will make you feel better and Theo will throw you into your shower fully clothed if he has to and cleaning always makes you feel better. Being clean in a clean environment, always helps. It doesn't cure anything, but definitely helps.