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HORIZON
five | first girl i kissed

          "ARE YOU OKAY?" Savannah's dad asked her as he leaned against the door frame

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  "ARE YOU OKAY?" Savannah's dad asked her as he leaned against the door frame. His arms were crossed over his chest with a concerned look on his face. It was mid-morning and he didn't have work that day. With Savannah doing online school, it was just her and her father in the house. Most of the morning, he was working on his action novel.

          Slipping the headphones from her head, Savannah glimpsed away from her laptop. She knew his eyes had been on her for at least two minutes; she realized her knee was bouncing rapidly. Gently, her head nodded as she spun around in her chair to face her father. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just a little nervous."

          "About?" He pressed, pulling away from the frame of the door. It was obvious from the purple bags underneath his eyes that he was exhausted. Savannah recalled hearing the typing on the keys of his laptop around three in the morning when she went to get a glass of water.

          She watched her father sit on the edge of her bed. Once again, her chair spun to face him. Her fingers rubbed the tips of her ears when feeling how sore they were from her headphones. She and her dad were close but not as close as she was with her mother. Yeah, he knew about her sexuality and was okay with it but Savannah would never feel comfortable with discussing her attractions with other people. That's what you get for being a dad's innocent and sweet daughter. "I'm meeting Carson's friends later today and my anxiety is through the roof. I know that this is good for me but it'll always be so scary meeting new people."

          He was quiet for a moment, obviously figuring out what he was going to say next. Then, his eyes lifted from the floor to face his daughter. "Do you remember, before we pulled you out of school when Samuel dragged you to the bowling alley with his friends because he didn't want to be alone with them?" Savannah nodded, egging him to continue. "You were so nervous that you tried to bribe your mom and me to get out of it. But, once you got there, with Samuel, you felt better and you had fun. You're not going to be alone, Carson will be there with you."

          Taking a sip from the cup of tea she made earlier, Savannah brought the memory back into her mind. Her dad was right; she was desperate to find a way out of going to a public outing with Samuel and a group of people she never met. She offered to do extra chores around the house, cutting her showering time in half, etc. Nothing worked, unfortunately. Although she was angry with her parents for forcing her to go, she ended up grateful they did so.

          Their conversation about anxiety died down a few minutes later. Savannah's dad asked if Carson was someone his daughter was interested in and that killed their interaction for the rest of the morning. Neither one of them relished in discussing Savannah's love life since they were father and daughter. The entire dialogue made both of them uncomfortable. It was best to avoid it in general.

          Minute by minute, Savannah extended her thoughts on meeting Carson's friends. Part of her was excited about possibly making new acquaintances because who isn't? Most of her teen years were trapped inside her home, isolated from the world. She was lonely. However, the other part of her, of course, ran through all the likely terrible things that could go wrong. Those thoughts overshadowed the positives, as they always did.

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