[GIRLXGIRL]
Savannah Alana is working on her social anxiety but stays home every hour of the day. A sudden burst of confidence glows and she decides to go to the movie theater. She didn't expect anything to happen until she accidentally squeezes her...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
SAVANNAH AWOKE FROM HER DEPRESSION slumber by a ding from her phone. For a moment, she had lost the memory of the hour before. She was reminded when feeling the dryness in her eyes and how weak her body felt. It had been a while since she had an episode, almost forgetting what it felt like after.
Groaning, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes before letting them adjust to the bright phone screen light. The tips of her fingers slid into the loose mess of her ponytail, lightly scratching her scalp. Appearing on the screen, was a text message from Carson; a few actually.
carson: hey, i'm really worried about u since u canceled our date
carson: i'm not saying that there's something wrong with u because u canceled
carson: u just didn't give an explanation so i'm assuming something is wrong
carson: are u having an episode? my dad has those too
Savannah began typing a message explaining everything which included the voice recording. Making Carson worry about her was the last thing she wanted. She just wanted to live a normal life and have a normal relationship that wasn't intruded by depression. The rest of her life was going to be this way and she didn't want that. She couldn't keep pushing away the people she cared about because she begins not to care for herself.
As she waited for a rely from Carson, she stood from the bed and made her way to the bathroom. Meeting with herself in the mirror, she sighed deeply. Purple bags hung underneath her dull eyes, her tan skin fading into a paler color; appearing as a corpse. She turned on the sink faucet and threw cold water on her face, hoping to wake up mentally and physically. Looking back into the mirror, she stared into her own eyes. "You're going to be okay. This is temporary. You have a family, you have friends who love you. You're not alone."
Rolling her eyes at her own words, she walked out of the bathroom and back into her bedroom, just at the right time because her phone dinged once again.
carson: come outside, please.
Confused, Savannah wrapped a blanket around her shoulders before going outside. Sitting on the porch was Carson. The night breeze flew through her fluffy hair but brought goosebumps to her skin. She hadn't been wearing a jacket; only a tee shirt and leggings along with slip-on shoes.
After hearing the front door open, Carson glanced behind and stood up, "hey. I'm sorry, I know it's late, like really late, but I was worried; especially after hearing that voice recording you sent."
"How did you get here so fast?" Savannah asked, furrowing her eyebrows as the heat rose to her cheeks. Even in the cold, Carson managed to make her face burn.
"I couldn't sleep so I was driving around. When you replied to my messages, I decided to come over. I hope that's okay," the redhead explained nervously. Her tone was similar to the one she used when asking Savannah out on a date earlier that day.
Nodding softly, Savannah sat on the porch, motioning for Carson to do the same. Once they were close, she wrapped the other half of the blanket around the girl's shoulder. Leaning closer, she rested her head on Carson's shoulder. "I'm sorry that I canceled right before our date. I started to have a panic attack because I was so nervous. Then later, I had a depressive episode."
"I know, I listened to the recording. Why didn't you tell me in the first place? You know I would've understood," Carson explained.
"Yeah, I do. Sometimes everything becomes so overwhelming that I feel the need to isolate myself from the world. I know I shouldn't but it's so hard to speak up when I need to the most. I feel alone even when I'm not."
"Is it okay if I share something?" the redhead asked. Savannah whispered a 'yes' as she felt a head rest on top of her's. "When my parents lost all of their money, my dad had an episode that lasted for about a month. I tried...so hard to help but nothing seemed to be enough. He refused to see a therapist because we couldn't afford it, so I somehow managed to get him to talk to me about how he was feeling. He described it the same way you did in your recording; like he was on the edge of drowning and there was nothing he could do about it."
At that moment, guilt buried itself deep into Savannah's heart. The girl sitting next to her had enough on her plate, she shouldn't be another piece when she didn't have to. Doubts circled around her mind, deciding whether or not to end their relationship for Carson's sake. She sighed, "what if, we get together and your dad and I have an episode at the same time? Wouldn't that be too much?"
"Yeah, it would. You both have more people around you to be there, though. It's not going to be just me, you just have to let them in."
She was right. Often, Savannah forgot that she was surrounded by love and support. Depression takes up so much space that it forces people out.
Silence flew into the air like steam flowing out of a pot on the stove. Rather than uncomfortable or awkward, it was peaceful and heartwarming. The entire time during their discussion, the girls slowly inched their hands closer and closer to each other. By now, the tips of their fingers brushed together.
"You did the technique I showed you," Carson stated with soft excitement. Her thumb grazed the blue drawing inked into the tan skin. Normally, a touch like this could have led to a sexual feeling but instead, it was a fuzzing and warm emotion of relief. Meeting eyes with the slightly shorter girl, she smiled, "you aren't alone. It's now you and me against the world, okay?"
