debauchery *gawsten* ✓

Chapter Four

edit: 8.19.20
tw; anxiety/panic attack
643 words

otto p.o.v.

i cussed when awsten ran out of the room. geoff stared at the door in shock.

"what...was that?!"

i started packing awsten's things and my own. "shit, i'm sorry for leaving so soon. i-awsten's never got that upset so quickly."

"otto, look. if i knew that he-" geoff began, but i cut him off.

i shot him a look over my shoulder. "it's not you, and it's not him either. just-let him tell you when he's ready."

i rushed across the hall to the abandoned bathroom. no one really went down this hall anymore; ironically, it was the cleanest bathroom in the building.

sure enough, i heard sobbing noises coming from inside. it was easy to find my friend because his stall wasn't locked or even shut.

i've helped awsten through plenty of panic attacks. somehow, this one was different from the others. i wasn't familiar with the fact that he was breathing, albeit it sounded very heavy and laboured. it wasn't like the hyperventilating i was used to.

i threw our stuff aside and dropped down on my knees next to him. "awsten, what happened?!"

when he didn't answer, i remembered that he couldn't either way. "okay, nevermind, just-do you think you can get in my lap?"

he looked up at me and i knew he heard. i just didn't know if he understood.

i lifted the small boy to cradle him in my lap. he had his face buried in my chest and his hands brought up, grasping his shirt. he was shaking so bad i had a brief lapse of calm.

i didn't understand this emotion because awsten never got this upset, at least not around me.

"awsten, awsten, look at me." i said. i let go of a breath i didn't know i was even holding when his head moved back. his pupils were shrunk really thin.

"awsten, buddy, you'll be okay." i whispered to him. "i told geoff to back off and not ask you any questions, okay?" i rubbed his back to try to calm him down.

the shaking started to subside. i kept talking to him and encouraging him. by and by, his panic attack was nothing but tears continuing to drench his shirt.

i checked my watch. ten minutes until fifth period started. "awsten, brace yourself." i said. i was able to continue when he drew in a breath and held it. "it's time to go to class; we have fifteen minutes to get there. do you think you're okay now?"

awsten took about a minute to nod. he clambered out of my lap and i helped him stand up. he scooted closer to me, tugging on my sleeve. i glanced down at the floor and understood what he needed. 

i opened my bag to get a clean shirt and handed it to him. i didn't use my locker nearly as much as awsten did, so i lugged my bag around with me. i always packed extra not-gym clothes just in case someone spilled their cafeteria food on me or him. awsten always preferred jumpers, so i tried to pack some for him.

he went into a stall to change. when he came back out, he gave me the soiled hoodie to put in an empty pocket of my bag. it was alarming how much the new jumper swallowed him.

"awsten...did you eat any breakfast?"

he shook his and signed, he rushed me out the door.

i dug into his lunch bag for his capri-sun. "drink this. it should hold you over until we go get smoothies after school, okay?" it broke my heart to say this because i knew how hungry he always was, but never actually did anything about it. i didn't know what was wrong, either.

he nodded. sounds like a plan, stan, he signed. together, we headed out to science class.