debauchery *gawsten* ✓

Chapter Twenty-One

12.31.17
edit 8.19.20
tw; mentions of self-harm, eating disorders, and abuse.
1,511 words

awsten p.o.v.

geoff already had tears falling down and landing on my own face. it was silent for a moment before otto said, "wait, fuck, was that...was that awsten?!"

geoff nodded and wiped his face with the back of his hand. i moved his hair out of his face and kissed him briefly. "yeah, dude, that was awsten." geoff replied to otto.

"huh." otto concluded, then added, "kinda missed the puberty bus there, didn't you pal?" i laughed and twisted around in geoff's lap to hold out my arms for otto. he went to hug me, but hesitated. 

"...do you want your shirt and hoodie?" he asked. i furrowed my eyebrows and looked down at my body, which was still shirtless. i quickly wrapped my arms around myself and nodded. he handed me both the shirt and hoodie, but i just put on my hoodie.

"awsie, i'm...so proud of you." geoff said, kissing a spot behind my ear. i felt like i was going to become a puddle of mint. "but, baby...we still have to tell someone."

at first, his words didn't process in my mind because i was so content with the affection. but then i remembered why we were there in the first place, and i started to freak out.

"awsten, listen to him." otto said sternly. i reluctantly nodded and turned back to geoff. i littered small magenta kisses on the skin of his neck as he spoke.

"honey love, this is serious. you've been mute for seven years, and you're nearly eighteen now. we-we don't know how long anything else has been going on because you won't tell us. we can only guess that it's been a while."

i shook my head, still refusing to let them tell someone. "awsten, we don't want to lose you." otto said softly. "we really just want to help and keep you, but we can't if you're never gonna let us in."

i turned otto's way so that he could see me sign and tell geoff. "his dad has always been abusive, but ever since his mum died, he's been a drug addict and alcoholic. awsten, we've been friends for longer than that," otto added. i hung my head in shame. "your mum was always nice, too... i mean, i guess that explains why i never saw much of your dad..."

"hey, babe, can we try something? if you're comfortable with it, that is." i nodded, and he went on. "we'll ask you simple questions, and the answers won't need to be more than...five words. but could you try and say them out loud?"

i immediately shook my head. it hurt like hell to talk earlier. i wasn't a big fan of the thought of enduring more of the pain. i signed this to geoff. he nodded and kissed my nose, causing the honey glow to spread over my cheeks again. "that's okay. i thought that maybe it hurt you, but... i was hoping, that's all."

"then how about we still do that, but you can just sign?" otto suggested. "then i'll go get blankets, and pillows, and we can have a cuddle party?"

i perked up at the mention of cuddles and nodded excitedly. otto and geoff laughed.

"okay...how long have you self-harmed for?" otto asked. i bit my lip as i tried to remember. i'm not too sure, i signed.