within the meadow √ h.s.

t h i r t y

she wanted to scream, or cry, maybe both, but to do those things she had to have processed the day which she hadn't had the chance to do yet. those emotions remained buried when they should have been set free, but delilah needed to settle into reality first.

everyone was quiet; silent. delilah locked herself in her bedroom while everyone racked through their brains trying to figure out how to help. she didn't do anything, just sat on the edge of her bed staring at the floor. originally, she had gone up to take a shower and maybe wash the day off of her, but she couldn't move.

her limbs stayed rooted in place and her body felt weak at the mere thought of moving. the only thing surfacing her mind was leo's sweet, still face in her arms. it seemed as though nothing was registering, her mind was rejecting the event.

she eventually forced herself to get in the shower, but she really just sat against the wall and let the water hit her for around two hours before there was a knocking at the door.

"delilah, are you okay? do you need anything?" laura asked, loud enough to be heard in the bathroom. delilah shut off the shower and wrapped herself in a towel, avoiding the mirror, too afraid of seeing a different version of herself.

in the loudest voice she could muster, "no, i'm fine."

laura sighed and went back downstairs to see everyone helping out in the kitchen to cook dinner. delilah was dressed, and she found herself sitting on the floor of leo's nursery.

a stuffed bear that would have been his was tightly hugged against her chest. the sun had gone down, so there was no warmth to kiss her numb skin through the many windows. the yellow paint was meant to be bright and joyful, and it was when she was putting the room together, but now it was just sad. the yellow walls weren't comforting, they were bitter and unforgiving.

she cried. her knees were pulled up to her chest as she grasped the stuffed animal with all she had. it was the first time since all of the worry was buried and fear weighed down that she was able to cry. before there were only a few stray tears, but at that moment there were rivers.

her mind was a mess; a very dangerous place. it was a sector flooding with self-blame and questions.

what did i do? i read all of the books, and i did everything the doctor said. what's wrong with me? why couldn't i do something? i'm his mother, i should have known something wasn't right sooner. it's my fault, it has to be.

the chaos occupying her thoughts led to violent sobs. the dark, bitter room mocked her as she was curled into the carpet holding the stuffed bear as a sad attempt of consolation. the only thing within delilah were those buried emotions waiting for the explosion to set them free.

her sobs came to a halt, and she sat up with her wet hair tangled and eyelashes stuck with tears. if you were to look her in the eyes, you would feel the emptiness she felt.

she stared out the large window that displayed the bright moon above, wishing the aching of her heart could subside for just a moment. delilah had snapped, and she shattered. she would never be the same again.

gabriel eventually went up to delilah's room to ask her if she would like to eat dinner downstairs, or if she wanted him to bring her a plate, but she wasn't in her room. he searched the other rooms, and when he opened the door of the nursery he saw his dear sister sitting on the floor, holding her knees and entrancing herself with the moonlight.

she didn't notice him, even after he said her name a few times. her vision was blurred, and her mind was blocking out her surroundings with the dangerous thoughts.

he made his presence known when he placed his hand on her shoulder. she blinked away the tears and stood up. before delilah could leave the room, gabriel pulled her back and embraced her tightly. he wanted to say something to ease her pain, but he knew there was nothing to be said.

eating was brutal for delilah. it smelled delicious, and it looked great, but she had no appetite. she picked at the food and stared at her plate the entire time. halfway through, her stomach couldn't hold what little food was there. she jumped out of her seat and sprinted to the bathroom and locked the door. emptying herself entirely brewed the whirlwind that was kept at bay.

her body was quite literally rejecting everything because delilah could accept a lot, but not this.

laura quickly went to check on her and was met with a locked door. "delilah, can you open up, please?"

she dragged herself across the floor and unlocked it. laura saw delilah on the floor and had to hold herself together and ignore the tears trying to escape because her daughter was experiencing the worst pain she would ever feel.

holding delilah's hair, she rubbed her back as she expelled anything that was left. soon after, she excused herself off to bed after brushing her teeth with a newly opened toothbrush in the bathroom. she thanked everyone for being there for her, and made her way to her bedroom.

harry's mind was spinning. he knew that upon his return, there was bound to be changes, and things he wouldn't quite like, but he didn't expect the sorrowful, ravaging whirlwind to strike.

he washed the dishes and thought about delilah. he wasn't sure if she wanted him there, he thought that maybe she just wanted her family and best friend. little did he know that delilah needed him upstairs to distract her dangerous mind.

he could provide her with exciting stories of his travels and tell her about the cultures of the world that she was only able to read about.

laura and mila were asleep on the couch, and gabriel found blankets to cover them. harry and gabriel sat outside on the patio in silence, and he saw gabriel yawn and the drowsiness overtaking his consciousness.

"i should check on delilah," gabriel said through a yawn. as he was about to get up, harry stopped him.

"i can do it. the jet lag is keeping me up," harry said. gabriel nodded and found himself falling asleep on the floor inside with another blanket he found.

harry quietly crept upstairs, trying not to make the floorboards creak too badly. he carefully opened her door which he was surprised to find unlocked. he peeked inside and saw her curled up with the stuffed bear and blanket and hat that was leo's. she saw his reflection in the mirror by her bed, but he assumed she was asleep.

when he was about to close the door, delilah called out his name. "harry?"

"yes, sunshine?" he stood in the doorway.

"a-are you up for talking?" her shaky voice warmed harry's heart.

"of course, delilah," he said, closing the door and taking a seat on her bed. she sat up against the headboards and made room for him to sit with her.

"how was it?" she wanted to offer the excitement he deserved to hear in her voice, but she could not muster it up. "was it like you imagined?"

"everything was beautiful," he sighed, nostalgic about the adventure he found all over the world.

he told her everything that night. about the extreme hikes he took up mountains, the insane visuals landscapes offered him, the exotic foods he was able to try, the different cultures experienced firsthand. he told her about people buying his art, and how it felt to hand over pieces of him to strangers that appreciated his creation. harry got that adventure he craved immensely throughout his life.

his arms were around her small frame while her head was against his chest, hearing his heartbeat that she missed. when silence greeted the room, harry heard a sniffle and held her tighter. "how can i help you, sunshine? please tell me."

"you can't harry," was all she said. she had so much more to say, but her voice was so weak and strained from crying earlier and emptying her stomach.

she wanted to tell him how she needed to do it all on her own, how she needed to build herself back up in time. she wanted to make it clear that she didn't want to be her mother, who slowly experienced the life being taken from her because she knew she would be okay, even if she wasn't at the moment, but she knew it could be passed on. she wanted to express her worry of becoming dependent on others, and the fear of never being the same again. delilah had a lot to say, but had no strength to say it.

harry felt delilah fall asleep after shedding a few more tears. he kissed her head and mumbled, "i'll never leave you again, darling."