H O M E S I C K - Voltron Zombie Apocalypse AU

a personal update(its about time)

I keep being super vague about it but you've been so tolerant with my inconsistent updating that you all deserve to know what's been going on.

I've been heavily depressed for the past five years. I was fine before, but one day something in me just snapped I guess. I can't really remember anything specific that set me off. strangely enough I can't remember what it's like to not feel this way. it feels like I've been this way my whole life. in talking to a friend who is going through the same thing as me, last year we were both in a similar place but she was far worse. now we're in the same place and she's slightly worse but I've gotten exponentially more unstable since last year. I've gotten so bad that I don't really care if I live or die or what happens to me. I have to fake emotions so other people don't worry about me. most of my emotions are very dim and don't really show physically anymore. so im a lot like a robot now. I feel like one too. sometimes I have to convince myself im real because I get so caught up in delusions. im always tired 24/7 and every day I expect to go to sleep and wake up feeling different. but I'm just so mentally worn out and exhausted and thats why I'm this way. the past few years up until recently, I was really weak so anyone that was going through anything would just throw their issues at me and make me carry around the emotional baggage for them, which really did a lot of damage. I cut off all of those friends because they had no regard for me or my feelings, health, or well being. because I'm this way, all motivation has gone out the window and I'm a lump sum of anxiety and depression. I can barely interact with my hobbies. I've lost the ability to enjoy them because I've convinced myself I'm not good enough at them. my mother knows about all of this and refuses to get me any sort of help, claiming it's a phase or its just me being over dramatic or trying to get attention. I've started getting into arguments with my dad because I hate talking about my home life and get super defensive when talking about it. my dad doesn't know any of this.

I know it looks like I'm making up excuses to not update. or at least I feel that way. I won't be postponing or canceling. I'm continuing and finishing the story. it'll just take some time. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be but I am. I shouldn't have started a story like this if I knew i couldn't finish it. but I'll finish it. I promise.