today was super crazy but I need every one feedback.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
p.s very sloppy writing
so its winter break or whatever. this boy whom I talk to asked me if I wanted to go see a basketball game with him. I told him yeah however I did not tell my mom. it wasn't because I was scared. it was more so because I feel like she is verbally abusive. anytime I ask to go out she calls me a thot or a whore.
"go ahead but don't go out looking like no thot"
"mhhm lil thot"
"you think you slick you want to go be somebody little thot"
everything I do its cause I'm a thot so I didn't tell her. instead I said after basketball practice which I skipped I was going to go see a basketball game at another school. she said okay so yeah.
that was easier than hearing
"you going with a boy to be somebody little thot "
so I get ready this morning I let them know where I was going. everything was going smooth until 12. I start getting calls back to back. mind you I'm maybe 45 mins away from home. so we fnally get to the school and were finish up eating our food in the car. lets call the boy cha.
cha gets a call. he looks at the phone then answer the phone. the voice on the other end i knew oh too well. it was my mom. how did she get his number. she never met him. no one has. she ask for me but he tells her im not there.
they hang up and i start to panic. how did she get his number. then she starts blowing my phone up. i finally look at the messages and she done went to my school to see if i was at practice,called my friends.coach all that. so im really shook. i have no choice to call her back so i do call her and i got a earful of how shes kicking me out,how dissapointed she is and how stupid i was. so i hang up and were both there looking stupid he was about to send me back on a uber but i let him know i wasnt with it. cause i never want to take an uber and that uber ride to my grandmother house was 137$ it made no sense to pay that much when he could take me back and i could give him gas money if he really needed it.
. it was only a hour and some change away.
we ended up staying for the game then we left afterwards. i mean i wasnt allowed back at my mom house and my grandmother didnt get off until later so i might as well stay for the game. he brought me back in town and we went out to get somethng to eat then he dropped me off at my grandmoms she seeed to be the most understanding out of everybody. she met cha even cracked a few jokes.
she gave me a lecture then says she aint that mad cause he got nice car
however i understand i am just 16 years old but i didnt tell her the truth cause i didnt want to hear all the nasty things she was going to call me. then i know im not grown but i just wanted to live a little. i never get to do anything. i go to school then practice and thats it.
i accept my blame i didnt know this guy from a can of paint. we saw each other in person twice but havent formally meet until today, anything could have happened but you live and you learn. right? i have to make my own mistakes to learn, i wont sneak out again with someone i barley know or sneak out in general.
however i dont feel like my mom understand the power of her words. they hurt. thats why i do the things i do and make the mistakes i make. i mean i almost committed suicide because the things she say, its one thing to hear insults from strangers and others but the person you look up to and adore and love speaks down on you... that hurts like hell. she nor no one else seems to understand that and i with they did,
do any of you guys unerstand where im coing from.
but yeah so now i got kicked out for some time
no phone
kicked off the basketball team possiably
lectures from everyone
i feel like no one sees where im coming from and im tired of the finger being pointed at me like its always my fault, no one wants to accept their wrong doings. its always me and im s over it. i been feeling depressed from everything at home. ive been having suicide thoughts more frequently but ill never check cause i know the pain that will bring to my grandmother and the few others who i feel actually love me.
2020 please. im can wait but i dread being out on my own and actually living life. hopefully i'll be in college living a better life.
i need all the opinions and help i can get so comment. what do you think i should do.
