Never Ending Battle

Chapter 1

Sometimes the hardest thing in life is realizing that one day it will end. One day your life will come to a close and when it does, clarity will come to you and the life you lived will be clearer. Looking back you will see what you should have done. Now as I lay on my death bed, awaiting the unknown, I don't regret my decision.
All I regret is that I didn't make it sooner. Dropping my head to the side, I stared at the love of my life. I would have given everything I had ever owned to spend one more day with him. But that's the thing with life, its short.
So with a closing breath I say, live not for what ifs but follow your happiness and where it may take you. For your Happiness is what will lead you to true bliss and a life you can look back and say I have no regrets.
You never think about the bad things more than the initial 'that's terrible' and 'I can't believe that happened'. But when it happens to you it's a complete shocker, then you think how I didn't see this coming. You can see bad things coming when it happens to friends and family. But when it's yourself, you start to question how well you know yourself.
My name is Sophia Marie Acker and I have Stage 4 brain cancer. My husband's name is John Acker, and he is a Command Sergeant Major (CSM) in the army. He doesn't know that I have brain cancer, I found out while he was away on duty.
He is stationed overseas, I wanted to continue to live with him but I couldn't let him see me like this. So I told him my mom needed me. He was disappointed but understanding, so sometimes I'm here with him and other times I'm with my family. But my family doesn't know about my cancer either, I have been here with my family for 3 months.
I normally only stay for 1 month but I said I felt sick, naturally he just assumed I was pregnant and told me to stay an extra month or so. I knew I wasn't I just needed the time to get through the rough stages of treatment before I returned home to him.
I found out about a month before I left my husband. I can remember how I felt like running, and never stopping.
​​​​~~FLASHBACK~~
"No baby just one more kiss" I trying to stop John from leaving for work. "Sophs your gonna make me late for work....again" laughing he kissed me again anyway. Pulling me into him, my cold body immediately warmed and I felt completely safe.
Squeezing my hips tightly he gave me one last kiss and pushed me away. "I have to go, but I promise we will deal with this later" he got in his car smiling at me sending me a wink before driving off. Suddenly feeling the cold, I wrapped my arms around myself and walked inside. Catching the last ring, I heard the voicemail come on. What I heard changed my life.
"Hi, this is Dr. Kovach calling Mrs. Sophia Acker. I didn't want to have to do this over the phone, but you said it would be okay to leave the results in voicemail if you did not pick up. I want you to know that we have to begin immediately in order to run tests to see if there's anything I can do for you. With that being said Mrs. Acker I am sorry to inform you that you have stage 4 cancer...? In order to get you in treatment I need to hear from you as soon as possible. Please give the office a call my line extension is 3383." Hearing the dial tone, then the answering machine said 'ends of message' all I heard was the sound of life going on outside.
I didn't know what to do, or how to feel. I didn't move I stood frozen in the doorway staring at the answering machine willing it to comeback on and for him to say April fools. But it didn't, and it wasn't April. I thought maybe I was just anemic, or pregnant. But ca-cancer, I can't have cancer.
Rushing over to the phone I dialed my mom's number, but slammed the phone down. I grabbed the phone and called Dr. Kovach back. I couldn't say anything until in knew what was actually going on, maybe it was the wrong results.
What was I going to tell John? What was going to happen to me? Would I lose my hair? Would I start to look sick? Was I going to...die? "Dr. Kovach? Th-this is Sophia Acker...you just left a voicemail"
Gripping the phone tight I was hoping he was going to tell me that he mixed up my chart with someone else. Anything other then what he left on my answering machine. "Yes, Hi Sophia how are you?" he said sounding like a father trying console his wounded child.
Shoving my fist in my mouth I tried to hold back my sob. "Dr. Kovach please tell me that it's a mistake, please... I can't have- please just tell me your diagnosis was wrong" I begged dropping down on my knees, grabbing hold of the wall for support. "PLEASE, I don't know-"
I couldn't hold my tears back anymore, I sobbed. I sobbed hard enough to make my throat feel hoarse, repeatedly I begged him to tell me that it wasn't true. "I'm so sorry Mrs. Acker, but if you could come in as soon as possible I can talk to you more about it and we can see what action needs to take place"
​​​​~~END OF FLASHBACK~~