Never Ending Battle

Chapter 3

I stayed in the bubble bath for a while trying to contemplate what's going to happen now. Would he leave because he couldn't trust me anymore? Would he want to see my charts and talk to Dr. Thomas? Will he forgive me for keeping my secret? Would he need time?
I don't want to lose him...
Slowly lifting out of the bath I was about to call for John, I needed to hear him say what he wanted... what he needed. I heard music playing, but as the song shifted to the next and I was about to call for him; I heard sniffling. I heard a choked sob, but the music played drowning out the sound.
Was he...?
Feeling the guilt start to build up again, I got out of the tub and wrapped myself in a towel. Walking out of the bath I saw John sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, with a beer in his hand... I was close enough to hear the sob this time, over the loud music. His shoulders shook as he pressed his wrist into his mouth to muffle the sound. He took a swig of his beer and let out a loud sob.
"I'm so sorry Sophs... I should've protected you" he said through his sobbing. Kneeling down I wrapped my arms him causing him to tense up. "I'm the one whose sorry, I should've never kept it from you" he grabbed my right hand and kissed it.
"Don't hold it in love, its okay to cry... don't hide that from me, I know I have no right to be saying that after everything I've done. But please John... I want us to be able to talk through this". He sniffled a few more times a let out a few more sobs, holding my arms tightly but not enough to hurt me. I laid my head on his shoulder and held onto him as tight as I could. I started to cry as I thought about when I found out and how badly I wanted to tell him.
He pulled me onto his lap and buried his head into the nape of my neck, breathing in my scent. "I don't know what I would do if I couldn't hold you in my arms anymore. Sophs... I know it's not something you can really do, but promise me... Promise me you won't leave me here alone. I can't be here without you." I felt hot tears run down my collarbone and into the towel.
Pulling him tighter into my arms I I held on tight. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the day I found out about my cancer and how badly I wanted to talk with John. I waited until he got home so I didn't disrupt his day or make him take off early.
But when he came home he looked so happy and told me how he got a raise and won a lot of money on a poker game. Then his boss called him while I was making dinner and told him that he still hadn't used his vacation time.
To which he replied he wanted to save up as much as he could for when we got pregnant and he could use it for doctors' visits and of course when the baby got here. But at the time I wasn't pregnant, and with all the medications I was prescribed I couldn't get pregnant.
Every time we tried all he would say was that it takes time, and that he knows he will get me pregnant within the next couple of years. His confidence in himself is what I loved about him, we were opposite in that department but he still loved me. Now that I think about it, all my reasons for not telling him were silly.
I think I was just scared and didn't want to admit it to myself. Who would want to believe something like that? "I promise John... I'm not going anywhere" he lifted his head and I could see his eyes had puffed a little and were slightly red.
He looked so sad; kissing his lips I reached up and cupped his face. "I promise love..." I whispered against his lips "I promise". Kissing me passionately he stood us up and laid me down on the bed and removed my towel.
Moving away from my lips he kissed down the side of my neck, down to the middle of my chest.  He stopped over my heart where he lingered in that spot, kissing it repeatedly. Laying his head down on my chest he lifted one arm up to my hip, lightly tracing the skin up to my breast. Barely touching the skin he slowly ran his fingers over my hardened bud, and continued his feathering touch up to my neck.
Drawing small circles with his fingertips he gripped my neck, bringing my head down for a chaste kiss. Lightly touching my lips with his he looked into my eyes seeming to ask my permission if it was okay to continue. I nodded slightly and he lifted himself up and pulled his shirt over his head, coming back down and kissing me more fiercely than before.
I guess he isn't angry with me after all.

~~
I woke up to a loud shrilling noise, trying to find the source I looked around the bed but didn't see either of our phones. Getting up I saw them both on the dresser, groaning I walked over and turned his alarm off.
6:30am
Ugh I did not want to get up this early, I put the phone down then went to do my usual bathroom routine. Coming out of the bathroom I went to get dressed and decided I needed a coffee and some food. I stopped when I saw John sitting at the table holding a cup of coffee, I was wondering where he went.
Making myself a cup I sat down across from him, we sat in silence for what seemed like hours. We've sat in silence before but this silence seemed awkward and tense, it was strange.  Not being able to take the silence anymore I spoke, "Good morning honey" "Morning..." he sat his cup down and walked towards the fridge. 
"Are you hungry Sophs?" "Umm yea sure, what's on thee menu for today" I was trying to keep conversation normal but he seemed a little out of it. I didn't blame him though; I was surprised he was even speaking to me. I know we ended the night on a good note, but from the looks of it; I was the only one that slept.
Walking up to him I ran my hands up his back and across his shoulders, and rubbing my hands down his arms.  Kissing his back I felt him sigh and I wondered what he was thinking. "Say it.." he turned around and searched my face for a few seconds before he lifted his hand and ran it across his braids.
"How did I not notice you were sick Sophia? I have always noticed when something wasn't right, but not when something was really wrong. Was I too focused on work?"  That's what was bothering him? He was upset with himself?
"I don't understand it completely but the doctor told me that everyone reacts to things differently I didn't really show signs until my last go of chemo. Where I was given take home medication. I didn't lose any of my hair or lose excessive amounts of weight. I only lost thirty pounds, and I didn't look too bad when I started looking sick. But it just looked like I had a horrible cold or the flu as my parents thought. So I stayed in the room for a while, but that only lasted about two and half weeks maybe three. I was at my parents at that time though... we only video chatted twice and I was better then, used a lightly cover-up and I looked normal."
He seemed to be processing that bit of information but he seemed to be a little confused as well. "I remember you staying at your parents for a little longer than expected, but how is it that you managed to hide everything from everyone. It just doesn't make sense." He looked so lost but he just started to laugh a little and shake his head.
"What's so funny?" I said poking him in the chest smiling at his turn of emotion. "You're a sneaky little thing aren't you? I guess I need to be scared of you instead of the people shooting at me." Pulling me in for a hug, we both laughed at his way of thinking; or trying to lighten the mood. Either way I was grateful for his smile instead of him being angry with me.
"Yea, you should be afraid... I can take you" joking I started flexing my muscles and trying to make a scary face. He just shook his head at me and said I was as scary as a mouse.
Sticking my tongue out at him I grabbed my coffee and took a sip, watching him watch me drink. "So how are you feeling baby girl? " He watched my face looking for any sign of pain or discomfort. "I'm okay honey, honest... I feel better than I have in months" I watched his face as he looked a little sad but tried to cover it up.
"I really am sorry John, do you work today? I can take you with me to go see Dr. Thomas, I'm sure he could explain my condition to you better than I could." "Yea I called him already he wants us to come in at 9:30. I also told him that you wore a wig and contacts, so get ready."
"It's 9:30? I didn't notice the time went by so quickly" shaking my head i downed the rest of my coffee. "I'm fine with this" I said gesturing to my outfit of choice, sweatpants and t-shirt. "Well let me go and grab a clean shirt and we can go." He kissed my forehead then headed for the room. While he was doing that I cleaned up the dishes and straightened the kitchen back up, finishing just as John was coming down the hall swinging the car keys around.

~~
Walking inside Dr. Thomas' office, I saw that he was sitting on the lounge chair instead of behind his desk this time. He was organizing some papers and placing them inside a manila folder on the class table that was in the middle of the room.
"Mrs. Acker... It's nice to see you, how are you feeling today?" the way he said you made me feel like a child being scolded. He never once said anything more than I should tell John and my family about my condition. But you could hear the disapproval in his voice so he didn't need say anything.
"I'm fine Dr. Thomas I feel much better... thank you so much, for everything." I felt like I was going to start crying so I took a few deep breaths and blinked hard a few times. John led us over to the sofa across from Dr. Thomas "Hi I'm John, Sophia's Husband" Dr. Thomas stood and they shook hands before they both sat down.
"Okay Dr. Thomas from the beginning, tell me what's going on with my wife, I need to understand how this happened and what else needs to happen." Nodding Dr. Thomas continued to fix the paperwork, and then looked between me and John.
As Dr. Thomas started to explain from the first test results to the most recent, I kind of just zoned out. As he was telling my husband about the first time I came in I pictured it all happening again, as if I was reliving it.

​​​                ~~FLASHBACK~~
(Dr. Thomas POV)
"Marge, I don't have any more appointments for the rest of the day, so if there are any walk-ins send them straight back to the examination room. Rachel is supposed be coming by, or sending someone so let her in. And can you have someone send-"
"Send three dozen orange daisies to your wife's grave. Already done. I already talked to Rachel, she got held up with work so she's sending her personal assistant over." She said smiling smugly "I don't know what I'd do without you Marge; you're always there when I need you and you are always ahead of me."
Blushing she gave me a shy smile and handed me my coffee before leaving my office, closing the door softly. I barely got enough time to finish my coffee before my phone rang, putting the phone on speaker "This is Thomas."
"Hello father..." shaking my head I laughed at my daughter
"Hey Rach, how's work going?" "Horrible I hate my boss, she's the world's biggest bitch... But the pay is amazing and I'm getting my foot in the industry. I told you I planned on quitting I just have to finish up these designs so I can finish my line."
She's a great artist; her fashion label would go beyond anything I've seen today. She just needed to get out there and introduce herself to more people. I told her that since she's the one having to meet with a lot of clientele and deal with the business partners for her boss.
Then she should milk it as much as she can, and make them remembers her name and face. "Do you have what you need to make the last of your designs, you know you can-"
"Yes dad I know I can come to you but like I said before; I'm doing this part on my own. You paid for me to go to school, now I need to work for what I want; I can do this." She sounded so confident in herself and her designs; I couldn't help but feel proud. She was so shy about presenting her work to me all those years ago, now she's getting ready to debut her own line.
"Your mother would be so proud of you Rachel"
"Thanks dad, I love you and I'll talk to you later" before I could say anything she hung up, so I'm guessing she had to get back to work. There was a knock on my door before Marge opened the door, and stepped aside revealing a woman between the age 20-25.
Gesturing to me she said "This is Dr. Thomas, he will be able to answer all your questions. Dr. Thomas This is Sophia Acker". Marge left closing the door behind her, I notice the young woman had yet to move or speak. She looked terrified and frozen on the spot.
"Hi Ms. Acker how may I help you today?" I said gesturing to the lounge in front of my desk. She hesitated before she came and sat down; taking a few deep breaths I noticed a few tears escape before she opened her eyes and stared into mine.
"Mrs. Acker, I-I'm married" she corrected, seeming to get control of her emotions. "Alright, what can I do for you today Mrs. Acker?"
"I have been to... a few specialist and none of them have been able to-"
She paused trying to gather herself "none of them have been able to tell me if I am going to make it through this. They've all said I have a few years' tops and that treatment wouldn't help."
"Make it through what exactly Mrs. Acker?" I said confused as to what doctors would say such a thing, and wondering what could be wrong with someone who looked so... innocent.
A few tears fell but she wiped them away angrily, looking away. The silence did nothing but make me all the more curious. "I need to know Sophia so I can do what I need to do to help you, so we can run tests and make sure we have everything we need to get you better"
"Tell me, what do you need to make brain cancer better Dr. Thomas?"

    ~~END OF FLASHBACK~~

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