A World of Misfits

Girls night

           

I can hear the music blasting from the apartment while standing outside the door. It's dark outside, and a little cold. I don't feel well. This has nothing to do with the sickness, although it makes me a little queezy thinking of all these little cancer cells joyfully flowing through my bloodstream as I'm standing right here in front of her door. Every beat of my heart makes them travel all around, whether it's deep inside my bones or right there under the fine cover of my skin. But these thoughts are not the worsts. I remember these thoughts, they are like old acquaintances, not the kind I particularly enjoy hanging out with though. What makes me feel sick to my stomach right now is thinking that behind this door, there's a girl, a perfectly amazing human being, who has no idea that my body is again the host of evil. This girl, who I can feel is slowly falling for me, just like I'm slowly falling for her, as no idea that her life will soon be changed. I feel like I live in the future and she's in the past, because I know in advance what she doesn't. Once I tell her, she won't look at me the same, and she won't be the same either. Cancer has that power over people, it changes them, whether they are the sick ones or not. And right now, I have to knock at this door, look happy, spend a whole evening pretending nothing is wrong, just so that I can change her world later. I feel like I have too much power right now. No one should have the power to influence someone's life like this. I could just turn around, walk away, never come back. She might be angry with me for that, she might hate me for a little while. But, deep down, I'd rather walk away and have her hate me for that than to tell her what I have to tell her. But for some reason, my feet are stuck in front of the door, like gravity decided to concentrate right there at the top of these stairs and make it impossible for me to move an inch. I can feel the ground shaking from the base, I can hear every lyric of the Spanish song playing on the other side of the door. I can see shadows walking by the window, I can recognize hers from the other people who are inside. If I close my eyes, I can feel the warmth of her skin, I can taste her lips on mine, and I can't imagine not being with her right now. Maybe it's selfish, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm the worst human being on Earth, but I don't walk away. I knock.

The door opens with a wave of light, warmth, music, smells and her. Her smile is so bright that it makes me smile too. She's wearing an olive top with a black skirt, her hair tied in a low bun with strands of hair falling on each side of her face.

-Hi! She says.

-Hi, I answer.

She pulls me in her apartment and in her arms with the same motion. Her arms around me and her scent suddenly make me want to cry. I swallow the tears back down, this is not the time. If I have the power to change her life forever, she deserves one last night of normal. She pulls away from our hug, a worried look on her face. I guess that hug was a little too long to be just a normal hug.

-Are you ok? She asks me.

-Yea, I tell her.

She frowns, but I kiss her before she can say anything else, and I feel her face relax. I kick off my shoes and she grabs my hand, pulling me toward the source of the music. I take in her apartment on the way. Build like a very slim rectangle split in half by a hallway, the first few doors lead to bedrooms and a bathroom. The hallway opens to a big kitchen and living room where about 7 other girls are dancing barefoot on the rug in front of the Tv. The scene makes me smile, and I feel my brain shove real hard all the cancer thoughts real far inside a box, inside a closet, inside a room, inside a place that's far far away in my head.

-Holà! Calls out a girl that looks so much like Murphy, they are practically twins.

This disturbance makes all the other girls turn towards and swarms around me. I'm greeted real fast by everyone, asked four questions that I barely understand over the music, complimented about many different aspects of my person and dragged to the couch while someone places a drink in my hand. Someone seats me down on the couch and the group of girls surrounds me, some next to me on the couch, others sitting facing me on the floor. Someone turns down the music and, when they do so, I can hear Murphy snickering in the background.

-Chicas! Calm down! She can't hear you if you all speak at the same time.

I turn around to look at my savior, her lips moving while she skillfully fixes a plate of appetizers, a smile on her lips. My heart skips a beat.

-All right! Answers the one girl that I could almost mistake for Murphy if she wasn't wearing big earrings and bright lipstick. Hi, I'm December! Forgive us our excitement, this is the first time Murphy brings a girlfriend to one of our girl's night.

I look over at Murphy again and she winks at me.

-What's your name again? Asks December, sipping her drink.

-Samuel.

-Right! Murph told me.

-And I knew you would forget, which is why I wrote it on your hand, says Murphy, placing a plate of food on the coffee table and sitting next to me.

-Oh, yea! Says December, looking in surprise at the name written on her hand.

A few of the other girls start chatting again, half in Spanish and half in English, which gives Murphy the time to tell me who is who.

-That's Flavia, my other younger sister. She's a year younger than December. That's Ava wearing the red dress, she's my cousin. Then this is Mariana, my sister, she's 17. Then Ophelia and Carolina are my neighbors, Ruby is my roommate and you already know December.

-Got it...I think.

She laughs.

-Don't worry, if you forget their names, just say one that ends with an a and you'll be close enough.

My eyes meet hers and I realize she's kidding, which I wasn't sure about before because her voice was so serious, and I burst out laughing. Her hand finds mine and her fingers intertwine with mine. Someone, I think it was Ava, propose that we play a game, and when I ask if they want to play Monopoly, they all agree with great enthusiasm, which makes me laugh, but also feel right at home. We team up two by two, except for December who apparently dominates at this game. I smile to myself because I can't wait to destroy her winning streak. Because of course, I'm going to win, I always win. I think about Ky and how much he'll laugh when I tell him tomorrow that I won at Monopoly against 8 other girls.

***

Apparently, all of Murphy's family members know how to cook. Each sister prepared one part of our dinner, and it was all fantastic. Of course, Murphy made the desert: a chocolate cake with raspberry jam and fresh raspberries on top. After dinner, we start a movie. The debate is strong about what movie we should watch and, finally, The Notebook wins by majority. I sit on the couch next to Murphy, not sure if I'm allowed to cuddle with her in front of half of her family, but she answers my question by pulling me into her arms. I snuggle with her on the couch, resting my head against her chest. I take her hand in mine, distractingly playing with her fingers while Ryan Gosling appears on the screen and all the other girls present in the living room giggles. As we watch the movie, I realize that when it ends, it will be late and everybody who doesn't live here will probably go home. When the movie ends, the evening ends. And when the fun, joyful, normal girls night ends, the sad, depressing and sickening cancer part starts. And I'm not ready for the evening to end quite yet.