Forever Knight [Harmione]

Chapter 37: Captivity

Severus Snape had only ever respected two people in his entire life, both of which were dead, both because of him.  And as fate would have it, both empowered the object of his hate with their unconditional love. 

Lily Evans-Potter, wife to his bitterest rival, mother to the insufferable so-called Boy Who Lived, was a woman Snape would have followed to the ends of the earth, if she didn’t happen to be on the unfortunate end of a fate-altering prophecy. 

The moment Snape learned that Lily’s life had been endangered by the very prophecy Snape had so eagerly conveyed to his master, all thoughts of glory, power, and revenge fizzled like the last drops of a potion at the bottom of the cauldron. All he could think was that everything he had done, all the things he wanted to do, and everything he wanted to gain, would be nothing if Lily were to die in his pursuit of it. 

In hindsight, everything he had done had been for Lily.  He had sought to be better, for Lily.  And while at first it seemed as simple as getting straight-Os on his N.E.W.T.S., seeing her fall in love with that horrible James Potter pushed him over some kind of edge.  So the promises of the Dark Lord seemed enticing at the beginning, as easy as pumpkin pie:  An errand here, a delivery there… he supported the Dark Lord’s cause, all the while thinking that he would only go so far; that he would only do so much.  He knew from the beginning that Lily wouldn’t approve of his methods, but he figured she would forgive him up to a certain point, and he was willing to push that envelope just so it could get him what he needed to be better than James Potter. 

Of course it occurred to him later on that his tasks had gotten darker, more dastardly, but at the same time he realized this, he was already in too deep, irredeemably embroiled, and that he couldn’t possibly get away now.  Lily was never going to have him for what he’d become, but he could have glory, power, and revenge; consolation for his lost love—until he found out that his pursuit of it all would be the death of her. 

And so she perished, and James became nothing but a bad memory, but the child that lived, loathsomely adored, who looked almost exactly like his unbearably perfect father, fit so easily into the mold of Snape’s bitterness and regret.  It was so easy for him to hate Harry Potter.   

Then there was Albus Dumbledore, powerful, wise, respected.  Snape had gone to him in his darkest hour, and the old wizard had taken him, offered him sanctuary, and gave him a second chance.  Albus had a heart as tender as Lily’s, but his power surpassed even that of the Dark Lord’s.  At the beginning, Snape’s respect for Albus was almost grudging, but through the years, seeing that the old man believed in him, the way Lily had believed in him; it wore away at his old prejudices, and Snape understood that Albus’s power was not like that of the Dark Lord’s.  Albus’s power came from somewhere else, and it was the kind that Lily would have approved of.

When Harry Potter arrived at Hogwarts, the old man believed in him, confident that the Boy Who Lived could, and would, follow in his footsteps.  Snape couldn’t conceive of it.  Snape had called Albus a fool; trusting everything to a boy who has proven nothing and shown no aptitude for saving the known Free World. Snape had, until that moment, respected every decision Albus made.  The thought that Dumbledore would trust this child, so obviously wanting in everything that made Dumbledore and Voldemort great in their respective abilities, grated at Snape’s senses. 

It was out of respect for Dumbledore that Snape taught him at all and protected Harry Potter from mortal peril.  The boy was a horrible ingrate, and he was everything his father would have aspired him to be.  And one would think seeing Lily’s eyes on Harry’s face would warm Snape to him, but it had done the exact opposite.  Those eyes were a reminder of how Snape had failed her, and how—as punishment, he had to serve this slip of an incompetent boy.